Ridley Scott's Commercial Against National Debt

Here is an amusing commercial from 1987. It is directed by Ridley Scott and features some of the same Bladerunner type atmosphere we have come to expect from a dystopian future. Notice how deficit spending has brought about nuclear winter so everything is really dusty.

In the future, all of the kids execute their elders in a Children of the Corn type military coup, for the crime of running up the national debt to an astonishing 2 trillion dollars! Chump change nowadays, but the kids are pissed off just the same.

-LA

The 10 Worst Facebook Status Updates of My Friends in the Past 24 Hours

The 10 Worst Facebook Status Updates of My Friends
in the Past 24 Hours

by Klaus Varley

If you see your name here, sorry, I forgot to change it. -KV

10. Kerri...had a fun evening out with the ladies!

Which ladies? What did you do? Aaaaaaah, the suspense!

9. Adam...doesn't like his fantasy baseball team

The season hasn't even started yet and you're complaining about a fantasy team you're coaching? You, my Facebook friend, are a spoil sport.

8. Sam...still loves Hall & Oates!!

You wouldn't have made the list if you had used one exclamation mark, but two? For Hall & Oates? They can't hear you, Sam. But the god of lameness can.

7. Sherry...feel people either love me or hate me, there is no in-between, where do u stand?

I stand in the pro-grammar camp.

6. Meg...is driving to Berkeley.

This update is not so bad, just dangerous.

5. Alex...2 down, 1 to go. Sigh.

Should I trace the history of your status updates to figure out what you're talking about? No. I can tell by the "sigh" you think I should. But we're more like Facebook "acquaintances" than Facebook "friends."

4. Louisa...feeling sniffly... oh, not a good time to be getting sick!

Unlike all the great times to get sick? (First day in prison, after the big test, etc...)

3. Mike...I'm happy I got an good grade on my spanish test and have no cavities! Who knew Mondays could be good.

If you think that's a good day, just wait until Tuesday: dollar tacos.

2. Katherine...craves Coldstone cupcakes.

Coldstone has cupcakes? I thought it was Coldstone's? This update makes me hungry for the unknown.

1. Klaus...is hungry. For the unknown.

Avoid impromptu status updates or risk ending up on a "Top 10 worst status updates" list.

-KV

"I Love You, Man" review turns into a short rant on Buster Keaton

"I Love You, Man" review turns into a short rant on Buster Keaton
by Langdon Auger

In the middle of trying to write a humorous review for I Love You, Man I came to two conclusions. First, I can’t make a review that is any funnier than that movie. Go see it. You’ll be telling everyone you “slap da’ bass” for the next several weeks.

Second, I have a more pressing desire to push a personal favorite director of mine. Through a fortunate series of events I found myself hitting the Buster Keaton section of my Netflix Queue just as I started reading a biography of the silent film director called Tempest in a Pork Pie Hat. (I had to justify the book to myself as legitimate research for my dissertation topic. I live a lie.)

Buster Keaton was one of the most famous silent comedians, along with Charlie Chaplin and Harold Lloyd. He got his start working with comedian Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle who was most famous for his girth, his mugging for the camera, his flair for visual gags, and his lurid murder trial that subsequently ruined his career. Keaton was the sidekick turned star and was famous for his flat hat, his stone faced stare, and his extreme athleticism. For those of you who are Jackie Chan fans (like me), he references Buster Keaton as one of his main influences. So the frenetic and often times humorous action sequences from Rumble in the Bronx have their origin in these early shorts and features.

Perhaps his best movie is The General. While other comedians made their name with their slapstick, Keaton was famous for having more emotional driven comedies. This film flopped as a result but it is now regarded as his best. It has some death defying sequences on a moving train, performed without any safety precautions whatsoever. Keaton famously told his cameramen “keep filming unless I die.” I watched this in a college classroom and modern day action-film-inspired students were gasping in awe at some of the stunts.

Also check out Sherlock Jr. if you want to see some camera trickery that predates blue screen or advanced editing techniques. Keaton was quite the innovator.

Anyone remember the episode of Arrested Development where Buster is trying to get out of the army and he jumps on front of the model house as it crashes down around him? Keaton performed the stunt with a fully built house in Steamboat Bill, Jr. He had two inches of clearance protecting him from certain death.

So put some of his movies on your queue, you won’t regret it.

-LA

The Best Wife Swaps

The Best Wife Swaps
Klaus Varley

We don't watch much TV here at The Brothel, however a while back our friends over at Peppermint Creek posted clips from a show called "Wife Swap." It was the Fowler/Long episode, and it was glorious.

Since that time, we here at The Brothel have watched pretty much every episode illegally posted on YouTube. Here are the best ones we could find, linked for your viewing pleasure.

[Warning: Wife Swap is addictive. When you're selling your TV to pay the internet bill to watch more episodes, let me know: I'm in the market for a TV.]

1. Fowler/Long

A bit of nostalgia for this one since it was my first exposure, but it has so many twists and turns in the attitudes of the adults AND kids that it stays number one. I don't want to give anything away, but Stephen Fowler is a douche.

2. Myers/Sutton

Another example of a husband who does the unexpected, right before you're about to call him a "dumb hick." And the Myers family doesn't live up to their name. (Five people will get this joke. To you five, I say "har.")

3. Galvan/Martin-Portala

The magician is annoying, but this episode is all about the suburban kids and the uptight father who is too afraid to let them out of his sight.

4. Johnson/Blackburn

The "out of shape" family vs. the "in shape" family seems to be a common motif with Wife Swap. But in this episode it never worked so well. If the heavy husband doesn't break your heart, nothing will.

5. Baur/Fine

Just when you think the pirate family (yes, you read right) has nothing to contribute, the suburban father starts to loosen up. Not the best episode, but some good stuff there.

Seriously.

-KV


Addendum:

You think our keywords are bad? The YouTube tags for one episode of Wife Swap look like this:

stephen fowler wife swap renee stephens steven liberals obama biden pelosi gayla alan long mayor san francisco elite rude british military bashing UK noe valley IQ redneck midwest missouri stupid mean unpatriotic egged deported prius tree hugger environmentalist weight loss coach ATV dirt bike national anthem sf snob closet faggot homo bay area obese overweight fat exercise McDonalds fast food American republican democrat domestiic abuse patriotic runon fragment shame

"Patriotic runon fragment shame," indeed.

...

Sunshine Cleaning Rips off David Sedaris

Sunshine Cleaning Rips off David Sedaris
Klaus Varley

Warning: No spoilers. You'll have to sit through Sunshine Cleaning if you want to know what happens in that very mediocre indie movie. -KV

Very snarky, Mr. Movie Critic. -ed.

Dude, don't say, "snarky." -KV

Dude, don't say, "dude." -ed.

Now THAT is snarky. -KV

There's a scene in the new Amy Adams movie Sunshine Cleaning where a kid licks random objects in his classroom and gets in trouble for it.

Actually, the scene is a couple of angry school officials TELLING Amy Adams about the kid licking things around the classroom. As Script Doctor Eric would say "Show it, don't tell it, this is a movie for Christsakes," or something to that effect.

But that's only HALF the reason it's lazy writing: this scene is stolen from "A Plague of Tics," an essay in Naked, by David Sedaris. In the essay, Sedaris describes many of his OCD obsessions as a boy, one of them being LICKING things, and getting thrown out of the classroom for it.

Coincidence?

Not a chance. A movie aimed at the "indie" crowd, Sunshine Cleaning smacks of hipster know-how. The movie was produced by the guys who did Little Miss Sunshine and Sherrybaby.

And writer Megan Holley sports a fashionable scarf and hip clothes in her pic on IMDB.

That's right, a scarf. Not proof of plagiarism, you say? Did I mention David Sedaris's Naked is imprinted on it?

Seriously though, did they really think none of us had read Naked? Could they not come up with something else for the kid to do to get in trouble?

Shame on you, Megan Holley. You and your cool scarf.

-KV

Pink Flamingos: A Forgotten Film I Wish Had Stayed Forgotten

Pink Flamingos: A Forgotten Film I Wish Had Stayed Forgotten
Langdon Auger

I thought I understood John Waters. I thought he was a funny counter cultural guy. I had seen his films Hairspray and Crybaby and thought they were kitschy fun throwback films that reveled in poor taste. He even did a voice on The Simpsons. But then Pink Flamingos arrived on my Netflix queue. Gone are the notions of the mischievous gay man pointing out the foibles of mainstream society. In its place is me, a shattered human being who is still trying to come to terms with what he saw.

Many of my friends had told me about this film and all they could bring themselves to say was “Divine eats dog poop.” After having seen this movie I begin to wonder about some of my friends. Why is that the scene that is so memorable?

When the movie begins there are pregnant women in the basement being used as baby farms for lesbian couples, a man having sex with a chicken, rape, toe licking, a grandma forced to live in a cage, and a sister watching her brother have sex. That's when I turned the movie off.

Later there is cannibalism, twitching buttholes, and castrations (as related to me by my roommate who finished the film). Maybe because I didn’t see it, but I can’t understand why the dog crap scene is so well remembered. Never did any of my friends tell me about the rest of the film. I think aside from the fact that it was real there is very little reason to claim it as the most outrageous scene in the movie.

Even though I could not finish the film, it is quite admirable. Or maybe because I could not finish the film it is admirable. Let’s not pretend that I am a prude. I am a proud fan of South Park and I love Dave Attell’s standup comedy. This film elevates filth to an entirely different level that for lack of a better word can be called art.

When you look at “degenerate” movies today they just pale in comparison. John Waters makes those guys from MTV’s Jackass look like little 12 year old girls with skinned knees. I thought I knew what degeneracy was, but then I saw Pink Flamingos.

I think I will go pray now.

-LA

Google has the Best April Fools Jokes

Last year it was "get your emails in print form" which I thought was a cool idea, but apparently was in the minority.

This year I was not fooled. But oh, how funny! From gmail.com:

Gmail AutopilotTM by CADIE

Email will never be a thing of the past, but actually reading and writing messages is about to be. Gmail Autopilot automatically manages your inbox better than you can, with zero effort from you.

Keep in Touch

Brand-new CADIE technology enables Autopilot to scan every one of your incoming messages and automatically send the perfect reply.

Manage relationships

Impress everyone with your prompt and insightful responses to everything from urgent notes from your boss to cute messages from your significant other.

Match your style

Autopilot calibrates for tone, typos and preferred punctuation. It's just like you, but automated.

Go HERE for more about CADIE

--

Nice. The only question left: How much money does Google spend each year creating an April Fools joke?

I'll do it for half the price.

Unless that price is zero.

Okay, I'll do it for half of zero.

Because if anyone can find half of zero, it's Google.

Seriously.

-KV

Sarah Palin's IQ is 19 Points Higher Than Paris Hilton's, Making it 20..

April Fools! Sarah Palin doesn't have an IQ.

Is that the best joke we could come up with?

No.

April fools again!

Yes, it was the best joke.

Sorry about that.

April fools!

We're not sorry.

April fools again!

We are indeed, sorry.

Especially for all the April Fools

and for prentending

this is poem

when obviously I'm just

pressing "return"

whenever the hell

I

want.

-KV

p.s. For the history of April Fools' Day, check out the Wikipedia entry.