Monterey Park Lunar Festival

Just got back from the MPK Lunar festival.

Man, it was crowded.  But we brought our dog, which, I don't know, made it more crowded?  People seemed to like her.

Also cool to see so many families and old people out.  Yes, there were a lot of Chinese people, but no, I was not the only white person there.

On another note, I'll probably start using this website more as a daily journal than anything serious.

So I should probably update my profile, and maybe change the name of the blog to something like "Klaus Varley in the SGV."

KV in the SGV?

We'll see.

-KV

Take Out Dim Sum

I went to a take-out dim sum place today called Dim Sum Express for a late lunch.

It was good. Big pieces. Pork buns, turnip cake, the real deal. Check it out if you're ever in Monterey Park:

Dim Sum Express Yelp Page

On an unrelated note, I need to update this site more.

Seriously.

-Klaus

Blog from the Appalachian Trail (AT)

Hey Hikers,

If you want to read a blog of someone on the Appalachian Trail - I mean, he's on it RIGHT NOW - check out Teddy Nutmeg's Tired, Wed, Dirty and Happy

He only blogs once in a while - because he's hiking! - but when he does, man, there's some good stuff there.

It makes me feel pretty goddamn lazy...but also thankful to be inside.

And not have a boil.

Seriously.

-KV

Facebook Launches Search Engine to Compete with Google

Somewhere in the interwebs...

Reuters (and other hard-to-pronounce news services) are reporting* today that Facebook has entered the search engine world with the unveiling of Fook, the Facebook search engine.

"It's not so much a 'search engine' per say, as it is a tool to connect people with information on the internet," said Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerburg, hands still bloodied from decapitating a chicken earlier in the day.

When asked what differentiated the new search engine from Google or Bing, Zuckerberg was a bit more cagey.

"I basically took a close look at both of those designs, then took the idea that these two twin Olympic rowers had, and meshed them into a totally original concept unlike anything seen before on the internet."

Critics, initially skeptical, remembered that Zuckerberg was a billionaire and declared the project a success.

Online articles that attempted a sliver of objectivity concerning the launch of the new search engine have also flocked to Zuckerberg's corner, with the recent announcement by Zuckerberg that he will give money to websites that praise the new search engine, and bash his competitors.

Google responded by being really lame, as always.

Use Fook. It's really cool.

Seriously.

-KV






--

* The term "reporting" in this context** should be understood as "not reporting."
** The context being that this entire article is fabricated, of course.

Script Doctor Eric's Screenwriting Podcast

I've been listening to Script Doctor Eric's screenwriting podcast - Scriptcast. Some funny stuff there.

If you're into screenwriting, check it out - Scriptcast - A Screenwriting Podcast

If you hate movies and life, you may want to skip it.

I admit ignorance to the podcasts that are out there. If you know of some good ones, please let me know.

Yeah, yeah, I know This American Life. OTHER good ones, please.

Seriously.

-KV

Top 5 Funnest Activities for 4th of July

Top 5 Funnest Activities for 4th of July

1. Hanging out by the pool with shirt on while watching the girls who made a conscious effort to stay in shape for the summer prance around in swimsuits. Good work, ladies.
2. Beer.
3. BBQ.
4. Fireworks.
5. Ignoring American History and pretending that our country WASN'T founded by a bunch of slave-owning aristocrats who didn't want to pay taxes.

Yeah, they loved freedom. The freedom to own other people.

Pass the Ruffles.

I mean, Happy 4th!

-KV

MySpace is Dead

Long live MySpace.

No, it's dead, actually. Why do people say "Long live?"

I could look this up.

With a few clicks.

But I won't. Because then there wouldn't be much to post about.

Man, I'm hungry.

This is the worst post ever.

It's tough updating every week. I'm not sure if I should...

Back to my original point - MySpace is still around, but I'm not sure anyone uses it.

I was on MySpace the other day, and man, it is STILL full of ads and a bunch of other B.S. You'd think they'd get their act together...

But, I guess not.

Does anyone still use MySpace?

Srsly.

Sorry for this post.

-KV

DJ Octoon's Unsigned Music Blog

This is another post about our links, explaining them, etc.

I feel like most college radio stations should specialize in unsigned music, but it seems like they don't.

DJ Octoon is a UCLA Radio DJ who plays only unsigned music.

So, if you're an unsigned artist, or you are sleeping with an unsigned artists, tell them about DJ Octoon's show and blog.

www.djoctoon.blogspot.com

That's it.

Other posts coming soon.

I swear.

-KV

Fiction Advocate

Another post about why we link to whom we link to..

If you like literary things, like books and such, check out Fiction Advocate, who is, exactly what he says he is..

We met FA through a friend.

So, yes, he is basically a friend of a friend.

But a good guy, with some writing skills.

He writes a LOT.

So I hope you like reading.

-KV

Links from the Brothel

Going through our links for this new series has made me realize that we actually don't HAVE too many links...

So...

You got a good site? Send me the link! I just may review it and keep it here on the site...

literarybrothel at gmail dot com

-KV

Script Doctor Eric

Thus begins a new series on The Literary Brothel entitled "Why we have links to who we link to.."*

Script Doctor Eric is a friend of the site. He's a screenwriter, script reader, and screenplay consultant.

Recently, it seems he has been posting a lot more blog-like entries, and so his site feels a lot like a screenwriting blog. In fact, he even posted about that. (If you clicked the link, you know what I'm talking about...)

Check it out of you're interested in screenwriting, and if you pay him, he'll read your own stuff, too.

Ah, and I see that they also started a Screenwriting Podcast. Welcome to the 21st century, gentlemen.

So, if you're an aspiring screenwriter, I'm sure there are a lot of great sites out there, but in my less-than-well-researched opinion, www.ScriptDoctorEric.com is one of them.

How's that for an endorsement?

Eh, what did you expect from someone at a site called The Literary Brothel...

(Man, do we need a podcast.)

-Klaus

*Title pending review and/or creation of a good title.

Teddy Nutmeg's new blog

Teddy Nutmeg is currently hiking the Appalachian Trail.

And blogging about it.

Check out Tired, Wed, Dirty and Happy

He's 30 days in...hopefully he'll finish the trail, and the blog.

Do it, Ted.

-KV

Man, it has been a while

I suppose it's a little late to start posting again...

But maybe that's what I'll do.

Now that the heat is off, and I really have NO idea who is reading the site, I just may start saying some things here that may or my not be read by folks out there.

In other words, stay tuned...

Bukowski on Mundane Conversation and Poets

When I hear some people talking I am confounded with how far way they are from anything. Most of them speak what they have been taught, not what they have learned. And what they lack most are two things: gamble and humor. Especially the poets. The poets are the worst. But hell, I suppose if I were mainly a painter I'd say that the painters are the worst.

-Charles Bukowski, 1986

Quote from Bukowski

If you're going to do something you might as well do it.

-Charles Bukowski

Secret Gay Clubs

Are not to be found

On this site.

(Brothel 404!)

This is The LITERARY Brothel.

So please stop coming here

In search of brothels.

Las Vegas Brothels

Los Angeles Brothels

Gay Brothels

Straight Brothels

Hidden Brothels

Legal Brothels

The only kind of brothel around here

Are ones with words.

Sheesh.

!

-

.

Well...

Since you're here.

Have a look around!

We do some creative writing

And when we don't feel like writing

We analyze the keyword patterns

That bring people to the site

And write things

That look like poems

But are more like rants.

Seriously.



-TLB

How to convert your PC into a Mac

Buy a Mac.

Seriously.

-Klaus

(Is that bad joke really the post for the day?)

(Yep! See ya Thursday!)

Bukowski Writes a Sample Rejection Slip

This is a rejection slip, and most of what we receive must be rejected otherwise our magazine would be ten miles long and nobody could afford to buy it even if we could afford to print it.

We too have been rejected and will be rejected again and again. In this business you must expect it. And when it happens you can either quit or write better or try another magazine.

It's true that sometimes a rejection is unwarranted. Our opinion is neither final or anything else. It's only our taste or lack of it. But we can only proceed as best as we think we might know how...

-Charles Bukowski to William Packard
July 13, 1984

Books to Read in 2010

Klaus Varley

As I'm sure you recall from my New Year's Resolution Post, I, Klaus Varley, vowed to read a book of fiction each and every month of 2010. I've already picked out a book for January (Dune), and instead of doing anything productive this New Year's Eve, I thought I'd do one of my favorite procrastination exercises: make a list.

And so, what follows is a list of books that I swear I'm going to read in 2010 because either it's a "classic" or I bought at a library sale and it has been sitting on my bookcase ever since. (Twenty-five cents? Hell yes, I'll take it.)

Here we go!

(Month - Book - What I've heard)

Jan - Dune - "This is like, the best science fiction book ever." -Parker Briggsmore

Feb - Dragon Seed - "Pearl S. Buck's best work." - Random Amazon Reviewer

March - Sense and Sensibility - "I've only read it twenty times." - My girlfriend

April - Consider the Lobster - "This is a good intro to David Foster Wallace." - English Grad Student who thinks I need introductions to things. (Also in April, Lolita - one of the two books I attempt to reread once a year. The other is The Great Gatsby - see October.)

May - Liar's Poker - "Michael Lewis is one of my favorite authors." - Kyle, attorney, San Francisco, CA

June - The Grapes of Wrath - "You haven't read The Grapes of Wrath? Really?" - My dad

July - Infinite Jest - "Challenging." - More intelligent coworker

August - Red Harvest - "Hammett, Chandler...those guys can write." - Teddy Nutmeg

Sept - The Diamond Age - "This is the best science fiction book ever." - Parker Briggsmore

Oct -The Plot Against America - "This reminds me of your dissertation." - Concerned friend. Also in October, The Great Gatsby, though this is the last rereading for a while - other books need to be reread too.

Nov - The Heart of the Matter - "You're right, Graham Greene a great writer." - Klaus's sister.

Dec - War and Peace - "A classic." - Everyone

And anything else you recommend. I guess.

-KV

First Spinning Class: Jumps

Klaus Varley

The instructor is a 40 year old woman with .04% body fat. Klaus Varley is a 30 something year old man-child with more than .04% body fat. (But you probably knew that already.)

The hour-long class has just begun. It's nearly empty, the music is loud, and Klaus pedals fast, ignoring instructions to "turn his level up," whatever that means.

"Is your level up?" says the instructor.

"What?" says Klaus, confused that he has been singled out, but also truthfully, because as previously stated, the music is loud.

The instructor points to the lever knob on her bike and motions up with her thumb. Klaus returns her gesture, giving the instructor a thumbs up.

"You're pedaling too fast. Turn your level up."

Klaus yells a bright "OK!" to get into the mood of the class. He reaches down and twists the knob on his bike a couple of sharp turns to the right. Or at least, that's what it looks like. Because it's his first class, Klaus doesn't want to overdo it, so instead of turning up his level, he feigns the motion, and pedals slower, as if struggling with the greater resistance added to the bike.

"Okay class, get ready for jumps!"

Klaus looks down at his bike: stationary. Very stationary. He looks around the room: four people, four stationary bikes. The he looks to the instructor on her stationary bike and thinks, "This should be challenging."

"Go!"

The instructor pops up, standing and pedaling furiously. (This should have been clarified int the beginning - whenever I mention the instructor, it should be assumed she is pedaling furiously.) After eight counts of the chorus of "Cannonball" by The Breeders, she sits back down. The rest of the class does the same. Klaus soon joins in.

"Alright!" he exclaims, his breath quickening, sweat seeping through his shirt.

"You're getting the hang of it," says the instructor, mid "jump."

"What?" yells Klaus, half jokingly. He heard her, he just wants to hear it again. She gives him another look.

"Don't wear yourself out. We've still got fifty-five minutes to go."

Klaus blinks hard, and turns the level down on his bike.

-TLB