Top Ten New Year's Resolutions for 2010

Klaus Varley

Yes, it IS early to start making resolutions for next year, but guess what? That's all part of the plan. See my Facebook status:

"KV is getting a jump on his new year's resolutions because he thinks that was one of last year's resolutions, but isn't sure because he didn't write them down...speaking of which, the first new resolution just came to him."

Clever? Boy, I'd like to think so. I'm still waiting for a comment, though, or at least a thumbs up. C'mon thumbs up(s)! Why are my friends not on Facebook at 1am? What do I have 300 friends for anyway?

While we're waiting, let's make some resolutions for next year, and make that status update come true.

To get some ideas, I looked up common New Year's resolutions, which seem to more or less follow this pattern:

1. Stop smoking
2. Get Fit
3. Lose Weight
4. Enjoy Life More
5. Quit Drinking
6. Get Organized
7. Learn Something New
8. Get Out of Debt
9. Spend more time with the Family
10. Help Others

Boring! Get organized? Learn something? C'mon! And repetitive! Numbers 1, 2, 3, and 5 are all about diet and exercise. Sheesh. We can do better than that.

Klaus Varley's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

1. Write down resolutions or post them online (check).
2. Learn Chinese. (Or at least 10 Chinese words a week. That's 500 words a year!)
3. Beat Parker in a triathlon and win a Wii off his slow, trash-talking face.
4. Write a page a day on that freakin' book I started this year, you know that one, oh you don't? Check it out.
5. Read a book of fiction every month. Plan in advance. Carry that damn book with you. January is Dune. ("You haven't read Dune, Klaus?" That's why I'm reading a book a month, so I won't have to answer questions like "You haven't read --title of book everyone but me has read--?")
6. Listen to 30 minutes of Spanish every day. Speak a little.
7. Time your internet usage. Stay away from YouTube. It is the devil.
8. Stop using cliches in your writing.
9. Jump the shark.
10. Make 2011's resolutions in November.

So those are not completely unlike the popular resolutions, and a few of them deal with "learning something new," but at least they're more specific.

And if I've learned anything from past resolutions, it's that being specific - and not talking around things - is the most important part. Otherwise, such declarations that may have significance in the early part of the year, may or may not retain that significance as we move through certain, unspecified months.

Seriously.

-KV