Two from the Mailbag

Below are two letters that typify the stuff we get at The Literary Brothel. Alright, they are actually just our two most recent and coherent letters. The letters are followed by our responses. We also emailed the recipients our responses, that are similar to the responses below, but not necessarily the same. We also might have failed to mention that their letter would be posted on the site. Hey, we can't remember everything...can we? -KV

---
Dear Klaus:

I'm just curious. Are you really going to send me a fedora, or was that just
a literary joke?

Cordially,
Michael Shorb
----

Dear Michael,

Why the hell would I send you a...(memory kicks in)...oh, the poetry contest. Yes, that was a joke.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the free fedora.

Don't know that one? Me neither, actually. We'll send your fedora later this week. Thanks for the email.

But next time, ask in rhyme. Wouldn't that be cool? I thought all poets wrote in rhyme, like, all the time. Ha, time!

Thanks for the poem.
Something that rhymes with poem.

-Klaus

---
Hello!

We thought you and your readers might like to receive a free full-length novel, Jumble Pie, a heartwarming story about two women, a friendship, and a pie. The author has two published novels (Penguin Putnam) and is providing this as a thank-you to readers!

"JUMBLE PIE is the story of the elusive nature of friendship, sometimes clinging, other times liberating; a story for any woman who has ever lied to her best friend just to make her feel better - and who has been brave enough to tell the truth, even when it hurts. And of course, it's a story about the remarkable healing power of pie."

Please visit www.melanielynnehauser.com/JumblePie to request a copy.

If you post a review of Jumble Pie on your blog, please be sure to let us know so we can link to it from the author's site and send some visitors your way!

Thanks & Happy Reading!
GreenApple Publicity

---
Dear GreenApple Publicity,

We're not exactly sure why you believe a site called "The Literary Brothel" with the tagline "Where great minds are coming.." is a good place to promote your author's work, but hey, we'll give it a shot.

Wait, your email says we should READ the book and then offer a description. That sounds like a lot of work. How about we do like the old proverbs tell us to do, and judge that book based on its cover.

The Literary Brothel recommends "Jumble Pie," a animated exploration of the heart, the feet, and sidelong glances.

And who doesn't love sidelong glances.

So, there's your review, GreenApple. Hope you like it. Feel free to send more links to books in the future.

Love,
Klaus

PS. For future reference, if an author wishes for a real book review, all they need to do is send us the book. If it's good, we'll review it. Seriously.
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So that's it. Got something you don't want to leave in the "comments" section? Shoot us an email: literarybrothel@gmail.com

-KV

Winners of the First Annual Literary Brothel Poetry Contest!

Thanks to everyone who sent us a poem (or 5). Some great stuff. It was a tough choice, blah blah blah, here are the winners! (It seriously was a tough choice.)

WINNER - Time Capsule by Michael Shorb

TIME
CAPSULE

It had something to do
with global warming
anyway sand-
storms covered
badlands of northern
California somehow leaving
one of my poems as
a marker in time
excavated years later
it provided a contrast
to the official national
capsule back east.

Fortunately the buried poem
was quite an epic
anthropologists hefted out
so many crates of evidence
they resembled a line of
army ants.

We fared much better
than empires represented
by shards of pottery alone.

The crates ran from A
for Apple iPod to
Z for Zoroastrian creation myths.

It was all there:

why we lived

what we meant

that sort of thing.

---


RUNNER UP - Mommy Syphilis by Sarah Haas

Mommy Syphilis

A morning wet

Still dreaming

Salty and green

A sailor’s promise

Years gone by

Still linger

In the sea foam

Of her eyes

Tides come in

And wait

To wash me out again

In the holding time

Between twenty-five years

Gone by

And another morning rise

The spirit

She once took seriously

Winks at me

Before she dissolves

Into the walls

Leaving the pitiful woman

Who once

Knew how to love

Magnificently

Cursing her name

Mommy hangs

between

The false veins and arteries

Of I.V.s

Like a piece of moon bone

Fallen from the sky

Grated to dust

By the window screen

Laid wide

Across the musty arms

Of a wooden chair

Rocking back and forth

Singing

I got a rose bud

Stuck in the back of my throat

Come round

Close ya hear

And pull it out

My fingers stumble

Through the room

Catch cobwebs

And broken tresses

Of her hair

Collide

With jaundice

Dyed

Skin

Draped across

The iron cage

Where a heart still

Flutters

With feathered rage

Hoping

The seaman

Will come back

To sing

The song

She drown in

The inside corridors of my ear

Fall close enough

To feel

Her November air

She smiles

Thinking I am death

No, not today my dear

She coughs and hacks

And tries to laugh

As nails drive

Into my wrists

Pinned

I cannot catch

The scarlet phlegm

That blossoms

A bouquet

In the nape of her neck

You always were

A worthless girl

She says

I adjust the quilted flee-mat

Across her lap

“Glad to hear

You still have breath”

I make sure there is water near

And wipe down her chest

See you tomorrow

I’ll come back

And braid your hair

She tells me

The sailor will return

And take her forever

Away from here

The door

Closes her inside

Her haunted shrine

And all the neighbors can hear

Her shout about

The careless woman ‘

I turned out

I close my eyes

And take a breath

Was it the spirit that lied?

Did mom hear somewhere

That she was born

For him

I thought she was mine

I guess

We both lost out

But I will never leave

I will never set her free

Let her go

So I come back

And watch her decompose

Years ago

I cried

But now I just wait

Until darkness bends

Around

Each corner

Of her tomb

And listen to her shout

As if she were underground

Waiting outside her bedroom

I huddle by the door

For her to shrink away

Maybe she will disappear

But I wait

To hear

The tiny word –

Stay

Because I know

Secretly

She says it to me

When she thinks

I have finally

Left her there

---



HONORABLE MENTION - Freckles by Yuko Sawatani


FRECKLES

My new bikini will take me to a beach.

The beach, brings me instant satisfaction

and permanent torture.

Here, I am home and you follow me in disguise.

Slowly and silently, you start to sizzle my skin.

Like a hot stone when you put water on it.

My back, my legs, my face…..

I know it's not enough. I know you won't let me go.

Now you show yourself.

You are an enemy of my life

of all girls.

I have spilled inks on my face and they are spread out.

Wipe, erase, and bleach - nothing works.

There is no way
but to live with you forever.

---

Thanks again for all the submissions, and to guest judges Brian Lee and L____L___. Please check back next month for more contests! Poetry, prose, and more...

Poetry Contest Ends Today!

Get your poems in by 11:59 PM tonight!

Read the contest rules HERE

Winners will be published August 8th on the site, so check back then!

Yep, that's 8/8

Poetic, isn't it?

A little bit?

C'mon...

-KV

We don't usually post on the weekend

Seriously.

What are you doing reading this?

Go out and play.

or

Write a poem

Like this one

But better.

Send it to us

And you could win

A fedora.



-KV

The First Annual Literary Brothel Poetry Contest

Welcome to the First Annual Literary Brothel Poetry Contest

PRIZES

1st Place
Your own link on the left bar of The Literary Brothel, bragging rights, and a fedora.

Runner Up
One autographed book of our choosing (autographed by Klaus Varley)

Honorable Mention
We will mention you. With honor. And words.

Rules

All poems are eligible to be made into short films via The Short-a-Week Project. If you submit a poem, you are consenting to that frightening possibility.

To Enter: email us a poem

To Win: email us a good poem

Deadline: July 31, 2008

Five poems max per person

No fake names

literarybrothel@gmail.com