A Public Declaration: 1000 Pages a Day

"If you want to get something done, tell as many people as you can that you're going to do it. Then you'll fear their disappointment, and that disappointment will drive you." - Anonymous(1)

History, screenwriting, actual job, The Brothel, day-to-day things, relationship, friends, fitness, f^&k! the plate is getting full.

One more thing. I can do one more thing. A novel.

Write a novel. How hard can that be?

I'll start it here on The Brothel - then it will be combined with my Brothel duties, and not be an extra thing.

Right.

Plus, the writing can then be done from anywhere with an internet connection.

And if there is no internet connection, I can hand-write it, on napkins(2), then type it up later.

I'll write for 30 minutes a day. This is a rough draft. Comments will be appreciated - and possibly acknowledged in the printed version of the novel - but when you make your comments keep in mind the sentence prior to this one.

In other words, this is a rough draft. There will be errors.

(15 minutes left)

Apparently, you can write a decent amount in 30 minutes a day. (See this post) I've already written the first two footnotes, which contain the cleverest jokes so far, so I hope you're reading them as you go along, and not wondering what those numbers in parentheses are. (Blogger lacks footnote technology.)

12 minutes to go. Time to start the novel.

1000 Pages a Day
by Klaus Varley

Published by Random House
Copyright 2009
New York City
The Home of Pace Picante
And Jay-Z

Chapter 1: Acknowledgments

If you are reading this descriptive paragraph instead of the actual acknowledgments, it means they have not yet been written. They have not yet been written, because as I have not yet written the book, and thus do not know who to thank.

However, I assume this section eventually will include brief disclaimer on how there is no possible way I can thank everyone associated with this book and surely I'll forget someone if I do, followed by a long list of names, some of which will share my last name, others being readers of this blog, ending - most likely - with a brief dedication to my parents or my girlfriend, who may be more than my girlfriend by that time.(3)

(Oh no, 4 minutes left! I spent too much time writing footnote 3, balancing the fact that we could be married by that time without sounding too much like I was proposing while walking the fine line of suggesting that if a proposal was on the horizon it wasn't far FAR in the future, but just in the future.)

Damn, 1 minute left. Just enough time for a title of the next chapter:

Chapter 2: Introduction

(To be continued...)

-KV


---footnotes---

(1) I'm not sure anyone actually said this.
(2) I would not recommend writing anything important on napkins, yet Banana Yamamoto allegedly wrote this badass book called Kitchen on napkins while waitressing in Tokyo. But we can't all be Banana.
(3) This does not mean we have immediate plans to get married, this just means that books take a long time to write.