It's not as if it's late on a Tuesday night and we promised to update every Tuesday and Thursday so we're pulling the headlines from Google News and making jokes about them. No, it's not like that at all. -KV
GOP's Snowe shaped health bill before backing it Allegedly, Snowe folded the papers into a swan, trying out the origami recently learned from a YouTube video.
U.K. to Add Troops in Afghanistan In other news, U.K. to subtract troops from Buckingham Palace after realizing muskets and high stepping is really more of a distraction than protection.
Nobel panel defends decision to award peace prize to Obama The panel also wonders if you know who Martti Ahtisaari is. If not, shut the hell up about the damn prize.
Health Insurers Emerge as Obama's Top Foe Just edging out Bowser, who might be waiting in the next castle even though Obama already knocked him into the lava.
Michelle Obama Offers More Healthy Food Tips With this headline, Michelle Obama has now appeared in the news 183 more times than Laura Bush did her eight years in the same position. (What did Laura Bush ever promote?)
UCLA student charged with attempted murder in attack The bad joke around campus: "Biology is a tough major, but Chemistry is cutthroat."
A Historic Success In Military Recruiting This came as no surprise to the armed forces. The secret? Plant the seed early. Recruiters spotted handed out "Happy Deals" to unsuspecting kindergarteners who thought they were playing a fun contract game.
Why Rush Limbaugh Belongs In The NFL He can do the 40 in 4.4 when running the pharmacy to get more Oxycontin. And I hear he loves black people. LOVES them.
Seriously.
-KV
2 comments:
These are very good. You should write for the Onion. Or a less mean-spirited version of the Onion.
Thanks! You don't happen to be the editor of a less mean-spirited version of the Onion, do you?
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