Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Pre Award Season Round Up

by Langdon Auger

Hello all. It has been a while since I posted, due in part to the pressures of the global economic crisis, the high demand of grad school, and me just not giving a crap.

But as we head into another awards season, I have several movies to bring to your attention. Because of the writers strike two years ago, we are now suffering through the release of all the films with substandard scripts (Star Trek, Terminator, Transformers, and Wolverine). The same goes for awards movies this year. A good suggestion for those of you with precious few dollars to spend watching artsy films, pay attention to more indie small films as the studio offerings a largely crap this go around.


A Serious Man

The Coen brothers bring us this head scratcher of a film mainly as a way to stick it to their loyal fans who make them a success. This film seems way too interested in presenting complex moral and psychological questions but not letting the audience get any real answers. The entire thing seems to be a joke where the audience is the butt of the joke. But it's pretty good, darkly funny, and another Coen brother's movie which warrants many re-watchings.

Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire

Precious is a story about an overweight, abused, illiterate, pregnant teenager living in New York during the 1980s. This is a story compiled from several different stories Sapphire heard while working as a social worker, so think of it as "God's greatest hits: Screwing Over the Little People." This is a phenomenal film which attracted the attention of Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry and has amazing performances from newcomer Gabourey Sibide and ( I kid you not) Mo'nique, Mariah Carey, and Lenny Kravitz. This is a must see movie, the breakout film of the year. It feels a little bit like "Dangerous Minds" and every other teacher-inner city youth formula movie, but there is a high degree of hopelessness that keeps it from being too schmaltzy.


The Road

Delayed over a year for no conceivable reason, this is a depressing post apocalyptic film with Viggo Mortensen that deals with issues of humanity and survival. And Cannibalism, lots of Cannibalism. This is an interesting movie with a killer music score that underlines the depressing nature of the film. The film loses points because at the directors' Q and A John Hillcoat mentioned he cut a scene with a baby roasting on a spit. He could have cut everything else and just put that scene in the movie, I would have paid to see it. Cormac McCarthy wrote the book on which the film is based, so this could be a big awards contender though it might be too bleak to get wide recognition.


A Single Man

I had no idea what this movie was about when I saw it. I knew there was a gay guy in the 60s and he is doing something. But anyway, it turns out to be a ponderous drama where Colin Firth deals with the death of his partner. First time director/ Fashion designer Tom Ford directs a visually arresting film that deals with the meaning of life and the importance of living in the moment. This film is virtually guaranteed to get a Best Actor nomination, but I don't know how well the film will be received for other awards. Also, I confess to never having been a fan of Julianne Moore.


Invictus

Clint Eastwood continues his stellar directing career with this film. It is basically The Mighty Ducks, except that instead of hockey it is rugby. And instead of Emilio Estevez reconnecting with his dad, it's a country trying to pull itself back from the brink of a horrible system of racist segregation and violence. But otherwise, its exactly the same. Still, the rugby games are exciting for someone who knows nothing about the sport, and Morgan Freeman manages to be a convincing Nelson Mandela. And Matt Damon is always fun in his movies. I don't know how much of a chance this movie has for awards, but with ten best picture nominees this year it stands a decent chance, while Morgan Freeman might get some attention (I doubt it though).

Coming soon: Oscar Predictions. Yes, it's early.

-LA

Friday, November 20, 2009

Where are the posts from Nov. 17th and 19th?


They were there

Didn't you see?

Well, no need to look for them

Just trust.

Seriously

There's nothing to see

here.

New postings coming soon.

Every Tuesday and Thursday

Including Turkey Day.

Well, maybe not

Turkey Day.

That's for the Turkeys.

(Or is it? Check back and see.)

-TLB

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Klaus in Taiwan - The Flight, Part II

Klaus Varley

For Part I, see the post that came before this one. Or click here.

Please Note: You might think that since this is the second part of the post on the flight, it would be about the flight back. You would be wrong. The flight TO Taiwan took 14 hours. That warrants two posts, don't you think?

Also Please Note: It actually doesn't matter what you answer to the previous question. Here's another post about the flight to Taiwan.

--The Flight Part II--

4am - Woke up from my night's sleep a.k.a. 2.5 hour nap.

4:30am - Opened eyes.

5am - Realized it was actually 8pm.

8:01 pm - Asked L if she knew it was actually 8pm. Turns out she knew.

8:35 pm - Pong.

9:35 pm - Beverage.

10:00 pm - Bathroom.

10:34 pm - Returned to seat.

10:45 pm - Realized there was only an hour left of the flight. Decided to do some reading.

10:46 pm - One more game of Pong.

10:58 pm - Reading.

11:30 pm - Lights of Taiwan show up in window. Reading ends. Glad I brought TWO books.

11:55 pm - Arrive in Taiwan! Plan the lie to get through Customs. "No, I did NOT know my passport shouldn't expire for at least six month." Can say it well in English, but sucks in Chinese.

Next up: Customs!

Seriously.

-KV

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Klaus in Taiwain - The Flight

Klaus Varley

What the hell do you do on a 14 hour flight? That's what I wanted to know. And now I DO know. And so will you, if you continue reading.

We left in the afternoon. By "we" I mean "L" and me.

4:50 - Miracle of propelling a multi-ton metal box containing hundreds of people into the air achieved....ie: plane takes off, no one appreciates miracle. Feel a little like Jesus surrounded by disbelievers.

5:30 - L wants to start Year One simultaneously so we laugh at the same time. I anticipate problems with this, but go along.

6:30 - The problems have set in: Year One sucks. Now bored, I nearly turn the movie off. L is more patient. We will watch until the end.

6:59 - Movie paused. :)

7:00 - Food served by ultra-thin, Chinese stewardess in a lime green uniform.

7:01 - Movie resumed. :(

7:15 - Year One ends! Consider joke relating the length of the movie to the title. Save it for the blog.

8:15 - Trays cleared by fast moving Chinese stewardess in lime green uniform.

8:20 - Strange video games discovered on seat screen-console. Connect-4 seems to go by another name. Pong remains the same.

9:30 - Lights out. Only A-holes remain up with their personal lights or TV screens blaring in the eyes of other people. Or at least, that's what the looks of other passengers seem to say.

10:00 - Alright, alright, I'll turn my screen off.

10:02 - Turn screen off and attempt to sleep. Pong sucks anyway.

10:03 - Realize I have to go to the bathroom. Woman in the aisle sleep looks asleep - but is anyone REALLY asleep?

10:20 - Yep, she is.

10:25 - Try to sleep.

1:00 - Notice the woman shuffle. An eye opens. Caught! I'm up.

1:05 - Waiting for bathroom next to a draped off room where a group of Chinese, lime green stewardesses have congregated.

1:08 - Realize they're called "flight attendants," not "stewardesses."

1:09 - Realize I should probably start thinking about what people and things are called in Chinese.

1:10 - Older woman joins me waiting for the bathroom.

1:12 - Realize I don't know how to say, "bathroom" in Chinese.

1:15 - Bathroom opens up. I let the older woman go before me, much to her amazement...and mine.

1:16 - I go to another bathroom. Apparently I chose the only bathroom with a line.

1:20 - Back to seat to attempt to sleep.

1:30 - Drifting into unconsciously, I realize we've been flying over the Pacific Ocean for 9 hours and wonder what they would have thought about this 150 years ago.

1:31 - Fall asleep thinking about time machines.

...

Tune in Thursday for the exciting conclusion of "Klaus in Taiwan - The Flight!" I promise big surprises.


Seriously.

-KV

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Jet Lag is Crazy


Which is why the only post today will be this one, telling you how crazy jet lag is.

Tune in next week for posts about Taiwan. Yes, with pictures! (Or video? Check back Tuesday and see!)

-KV

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Sure, it's really Tuesday


Reader comments to the contrary, this post really is on time...it really is Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009. We would never fail to update on a regular basis.

Alright, back to Taiwan stuff. Because we're still in Taiwan doing Taiwanese things.

Seriously.

-KV

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Klaus Varley in Taiwan, Day 1

Klaus Varley

If you didn't know before you read the title to this blog, I am in Taiwan. I'll be writing about it and posting pictures, and hopefully it'll be very funny and only slightly racist, and not the other way around.

If this blog ends after this sentence, it means I haven't figured out how to get online, or I DID figure out how to get online, but got lost amidst the confusion and jet lag and forgot to post. (In other words, I'm not really in Taiwan while I'm writing these words, but by the time you read this I will be.)*




---
* Parentheticals do not count as additional sentences. Nor do starred footnotes.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Conversation between the pilots of Northwest Airlines Flt 188

Klaus Varley

On October 21st, 2009, on a routine flight from San Diego to Minneapolis, Captain Timothy Cheney (53) and First Officer Richard Cole (54) were out of touch with air traffic controllers for 78 minutes and overflew their destination by 150 miles.


It was discovered the two men were distracted by their laptop computers.

We at The Literary Brothel already knew this, however, as one of our members overheard the conversation between the pilots while waiting in line for the restrooms at the front of the plane. This is what was heard:


---

Captain Timothy Cheney (CTC): Are you ready to be my white tiger?
First Officer Richard Cole (FORC): Ready.
CTC: Powered up?
FORC: I'm trying.
CTC: What do you mean, trying?
FORC: It won't let me pick up the thing. I'm clicking and it's not picking up.

[Rampant clicking is heard. Then an odd BRRRRINGG!]

FORC: Got it.
CTC: Did you hear that?
FORC: This game has great effects.
CTC: I know. I've never heard that one before.
FORC: They're always surprising you with new sounds.
CTC: Badass.

[Computer noises of some sort that could be warnings from air traffic controllers, or could be part of a sweet video game.]

FORC: I want to explore the forest.
CTC: Hold on there, Fork, you just advanced to level twelve.
FORC: I told you never to call me that.
CTC: Get over it.
FORC: So what about the forest?
CTC: Forget about it, Fork, you're not ready.
FORC: That's it!

[Typing sounds.]

FORC: Rawwrrrrrr!

[Furious clicking of the like that have seldom been heard before.]

CTC: What the hell, dude?
FORC: Rawr.
CTC: Did you just attack me?
FORC: Rawr.
CTC: Alright, stop saying that.
FORC: What are you going to do?
CTC: This!

[The unmistakable sound of a dramatic pressing of a button.]

FORC: Noooooo! Nooooooo!
CTC: Muhahahahahaha.

[In the background, an odd beep and what sounds like the voice of a radio transmission asking for verification of coordinates or something. It is quickly drowned out by...]

FORC: Noooooooooooooooo!
CTC: Rawr.
FORC: I built that character up for six months!
CTC: When you play with the bull, you get the horns.
FORC: I'll give you the horns.

[Silence]

CTC: What does that mean?
FORC: Beats me. Another quest?
CTC: Let's do i--Wait. What time were we suppose to get to Minneapolis?
FORC: Oh shit.



















-TLB


Blog Directory - Blogged