The 10 Gayest Sports

In preparation for writing a random armchair theory piece about how hetero guys get their "gay out" by watching or participating in certain sports, here's our list of the ten gayest sports we could think of. -TLB

The 10 Gayest Sports (in no particular order of gayness)

1. Football
2. Wrestling (all kinds, except co-ed)
3. Water Polo
4. Bodybuilding
5. Rugby
6. Basketball
7. Soccer
8. Bobsledding
9. Grappling (see "Wrestling")
10. Arm Wrestling (see "Wrestling" but minus all parts of the body except for the arm)

An explanation to come. For now, discuss!

(Note: the word is "discuss," not "discus." "Discus" is definitely not gay. What's gay about throwing a disc?)


-KV

ps. The phrase "not that there's anything wrong with it" has been conspicuously omitted from the piece, due to its overuse in society since its airing on that Seinfeld show. However, consider it there in spirit, after anything you might consider remotely homophobic.

Ten Ways to Lose Weight

Charlie Luzon

We know what you're thinking: "It's not Thursday, yet this post is dated Thursday." Really? It's not Thursday? Prove it. -TLB

Recently I've shed a few pounds by changing my diet and some things in my lifestyle. Though I'm not exactly sure which combination of things led to the weight loss, here are ten possible reasons - in the the form of instructions - in no particular order.

1. Stop Drinking Soda
2. Take a Spinning Class at least Once a Week
3. Eat Less Meat
4. Park Far From Your Job / Errands
5. Stop Drinking Sobe Energy Drinks (See #1)
6. Eat More Fruit
7. Eat More Vegetables
8. Lift Weights Twice a Week
9. Do Something Called an "Elliptical Machine" Twice a Week
10. Swim

Hope that helps.

-CL

PS. This may seem easy, but many of these things take time and effort and a new appreciation of things like vegetables, fruits, and non-refined sugars. Seriously.

The Erronous Headlines of Google News

by Klaus Varley

Every now and then (and now and now and now) I procrastinate our "real" work by surfing the web and reading news headlines. Most of the time this constitutes heading over to Google News and finding the latest stories.

Because Google News updates so quickly, I imagine news services must regularly rush to release their latest breaking news. And in the rush comes some errors. Here are some we've collected here at The Brothel over, well, as you can see by the headlines, we've been doing this a while.

---

"Hearing on Franken absentee case set for Wedsesday"
-Associated Press

"Mile did not win best picture, though Sean Penn got a Best Actor Oscar for his portrayal of the 1970s era gay politician Harvey Milk."
-Associated Content, CO

"ABC News: Heath Ledger Wins Posthumopusly for 'Dark Night'"
-abcnews.go.com

"Will Gmail's outage make me think twice about Edu Apps?" There’sa very short answer here: No. Not for a second.
-ZDNet

"Star salsa dance teacer arrested in sexual assaults."
-Los Angeles Times

Obam Delivers Health-Care Speech at U-Md. Campus
Washington Post - Anne E. Kornblut - ‎16 minutes ago‎

Abdul channels degeneres at 'Divas Live'
-msnbc.com

---

Who the hell's Obam and why does he get to deliver health care speeches?

Seriously.

-TLB

The Best Bukowski Quotes

are here on The Literary Brothel.

I'm not sure why.

Oh yeah, because we're fans.

Here's the page you can see them all: Bukowski Quotes on The Literary Brothel

You're welcome, Bukowski fans.

And check back for more.

Seriously.

-TLB

Accepting Film Submissions for Review

Klaus Varley

As you may have guessed from the numerous entries by Langdon Auger (and a few from yours truly) here at The Brothel we have been known to a film review or two.

We realize, however, reviewing mainstream films does little to help the struggling filmmaker who cannot find distribution for their small indie flick.

So if you're one of these filmmakers, and you'd like your movie reviewed on a site that gets a decent amount of hits, send us you're movie. Either Langdon or I will take a look at it and review it on the site.

However (and this is the last "however" for today), we only give honest opinions. Sometimes we exaggerate for comedic effect, but that exaggeration is honest. Seriously.

How can you send your film? Email us, and we'll give you an address where you can mail the DVD.

Unless it's online, then just email us the link! (literarybrothel@gmail.com)

Lastly, no porn please, name of the site to the contrary. I know what the site is called.

Seriously.

-KV

ps. If you have any friends who are filmmakers, or maybe you work at a festival, or are in film school...this applies to you as well. Send whatever ya got!

Thoughts on District 9

Langdon Auger

Broken into five thoughts, for easy reading consumption. -TLB

1. How is it that Transformers 2 cost 200 million dollars to make, and yet District 9 had better special effects? I believe this is the law of diminishing returns. Now the more we spend on special effects the less difference it makes. We are starting to get to the point where special effects can't get much better and become truly pointless. There is no reason to render Optimus Prime in such detail. We don't need every gear and lugnut in painstaking IMAX. This is why District 9 could rock ass for 30 million dollars and still be believable.

2. How amazing is it that we have a small movie with no stars, no Americans, heavy accents, and a solid R Rating that comes along and rescues the summer movie season? And what's interesting is that the film doesn't really explain everything in painstaking detail like you would expect from a Hollywood movie. It doesn't really explain why the aliens are there because its not important to the story of the film. On the one hand that bothers me because I want back story, while on the other it impresses me that they would leave so much to the imagination.

3. Sharlto Copley is a fantastic actor. He runs the gamut in this film from dweebish bureaucrat to action star and it is pretty believable. How do they find so much talent in somebody who has never acted before?

4. I truly hope that this movie becomes a science-fiction Easy Rider. For those of you who don't know, Easy Rider was a kind of dopey counter culture film from the 60s that was made on the cheap and became immensely successful. It turned Hollywood towards smaller productions and more individualized projects shepherded by interesting directors. It might be too early to tell but I hope the execs start to realize that they can get interesting science fiction movies made for cheap and that they don't have to shovel Transformers size budgets at the problem. With the reduced budgets can come more daring movies, more R ratings, interesting directors, and less pressure on opening weekend box offices.

5. Well, I can dream can't I?

-LA

Jeff Lundquist Minneapolis Real Estate

by TLB

Remember how someone snatched up our domain name and is now illegally publishing the content of The Literary Brothel?

What are we talking about? And you call yourself a web surfer. You don't remember the classic Brothel pieces National Contact Registry can Suck It or National Contact Registry is Illegally Publishing our Content? Okay, we thought so. Now let's move on.

Apparently the person who is illegally publishing The Literary Brothel is Jeff Lundquist of Minneapolis Real Estate. (Please save all Minnesota jokes until the end.) That means unless we hear otherwise, he's on our "naughty" list.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Why would a real estate agent in Minneapolis of all god-for-saken places buy up domain names and illegally publish their content?" First, I said save the Minnesota bashing until the end. Second, it doesn't make much sense to us either. Why would a real estate agent in Minnesota of all places want to break countless copyright infringement laws by publishing article after past article of The Literary Brothel?

Beats us. Maybe it's not Jeff Lundquist. Maybe we have the wrong man. Maybe he can still make our "nice" list in time for Christmas. Seeing as we haven't done anything that could be considered "research," we might be jumping to conclusions.

However, we recently got a message from "Shannon" alerting us to her newly created site, National Contact Registry Stole My Site. On it, you'll see links to testimony from a number of people who have all fallen victim to National Contact Registry's nefarious deeds, and they name Jeff Lundquist as the culprit. So for now, he's the man.

Although I have to say, our testimony is TAME compared to the rest. One guy had heart trouble, went in the hospital, let his domain expire, and still couldn't get it back from National Contact Registry. Guess they'd heard one too many, "I had heart failure and accidentally let my domain expire" stories.

Really, people are pissed about this. One guy posted daily updates on his new blog counting the days since National Contact Registry stole his domain. That's persistance.

Apparently it upsets bloggers when you steal their work and publish it without their permission. But now we're banding together. Shannon has done the right thing in creating her website in hopes that this might turn into a nice, civil, class-action lawsuit.

Unless of course, she lets the domain expire and it's bought by National Contact Registry.

Seriously.

-TLB

Is it Tuesday Already?

A poem by Klaus Varley

These days

we update The Brothel on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Today

I totally forgot it was Tuesday

because of the holiday

weekend.

But then

I remembered:

bad poems

count as posts

and are easy

to write.

The only danger

is

they leave the reader

feeling somewhat

unsatisfied

even when

you throw in

an apology

at the end.

And so

I'm not going to

do that.

Seriously.

-KV

Long Live Curb Your Enthusiasm

Langdon Auger

Here you go Brothel readers, a lazy post that involves quoting someone else. -Langdon

Not sure where he got this. Langdon has his ways. -TLB

Larry David on the possiblity of another season of Curb Your Enthusiasm...

Larry David: "There is a good possibility i could do another season. And if not, I'll find something else to do. I would like to meet a woman who likes me at the same time I like her. But I realize that's impossible. And against Nature."

Obnoxious Entertainment Weekly reporter who is still paying off his student loans from a college where he dreamed of being a relevant journalist serving his nation with important stories, so sad, such a failure, god I hate this magazine: "But Larry, you've pulled off the Seinfeld reunion miracle--isn't anything possible?"

LD: "No. Nobody can pull that off. They like you and you like them? And you're having sex? That's not happening."

-LA

Top 10 Things that Seem like Bugs When You're up at 3am (and maybe a little paranoid)

Klaus Varley

If you doubt this was written at 3am, please reread. -TLB

10. Freckles
9. Shadows
8. Bugs
7. Cats (when they rub lightly against your leg and you're not expecting it)
6. Frayed material on the bill of my hat
5. Spots on fruit.
4. Anything you can imagine.
3. Such as baby spiders in my hair
2. Ahhhhhhh! Baby spiders in my hair!
1. Periods (also, ellipsis)

You have been warned.

-KV