Sexy Single Sizzling - An Interview with DLC

Back in 2001, my old college neighbor was voted on of People Magazine's top eligible bachelors. So we interviewd him. Sure, he had a girlfriend at the time so he wasn't technically single, but hell, how many people do YOU know who have been profiled in people magazine? That's what I thought. -KV

SEXY, SINGLE, SIZZLING
by Charlie Luzon

Blatantly capitalizing on the fame of our friends (Kal, you're next), here's a brief interview with one of People Magazine's Top 50 "Sexy, Single, Sizzling" Bachelors, Mike de la Cruz.

Mike (DLC) has a degree in Anthropology from UCLA. He thought about joining the French Legion, nearly joined the Army Reserves, and eventually settled on teaching high school at Compton High.

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TLB: How did you get picked as one of America's top 50 eligible bachelors?

DLC: My rare ability to maintain the attributes of both sexy and sizzling simultaneously. At any given time there are about 125 of us in the world, with about 60 being already married - so to fit into People's criteria of Sexy, Sizzling, and Single the competition really wasn't all that fierce.

TLB: What do your students and co-workers say about your spot in "People"?

DLC: They think I had that issue made at Kinkos for $20.

TLB: What did your friends and family say?

DLC: They laugh. There is a general consensus of disbelief.

TLB: What's the best thing for you that has come out of the "People" spot?

DLC: The unbelievable amount of riches.

TLB: What is anthropology?

DLC: The study of man.

TLB: Do you plan to teach your entire life?

DLC: No.

TLB: What do you plan to do if not teach?

DLC: Continue pulling off amazing heists.

TLB: Can you beat up Ben Affleck?

DLC: Probably not.

TLB: Matt Damon?

DLC: Once again...

TLB: Ok, ok, what about Tiger Woods, could you take him (sans golf clubs)?

DLC: I think you have the wrong idea here... These guys are all protected by very powerful friends. They're bigger than you and me.

TLB: What's your favorite movie?

DLC: At all times my favorite movie happens the last movie that I saw. My attention span doesn't allow for much leeway.

TLB: Favorite Book?

DLC: The yellow pages.

TLB: Color? Why?

DLC: Mauve. You know why.

TLB:. Where do you see yourself in 20 years?

DLC: Hopefully kicking it with Frooz (a mutual friend of ours)..

TLB: Thanks Mike.

DLC: Word, homie.

-TLB