Celebrities Get Off Their Asses and Help Make Real Change

Charlie sent this sometime last month before the election. Why didn't he put it up himself? Because it didn't have an ending. Still, we really meant to finish it for him before the election, but we didn't. And by "we," I mean, me, Klaus Varley. I've got my own stuff to write. Seriously. -KV


Celebrities Get Off Their Asses and Help Make Real Change
Charlie Luzon

Nov. 4th, 2008 - Los Angeles

In a never-before-seen move in the history of celebrity culture, actors, movie-makers, and just plain famous people from across the Southland showed up at voting booths, encouraging passerby's to vote.

The goal, said organizer Leonardo DiCaprio, was "to get at least one famous person at each polling place." In face, their support of suffrage was so overwhelming, that not only did every polling place in Los Angeles County have a famous person in attendance, some had two or three.

"I never thought I'd see David Hasselhoff and Michael Chabon in the same room together," said one bewildered voter, "but it was cool."

Others were not so enthusiastic about the program.

"I got up at six so I could be one of the first people to vote, not see old-ass Pamela Anderson in a bikini, using her fake breasts as a voting guide dispenser," said Melinda Doheny, a resident of Cerritos.

Her brother Jared, however, disagreed.

"It was so awesome. I wish I could vote every day."

So do we, Jared. So do we.

Actually, we don't. Once every year or two is really enough.

We have important things to do.

Like blogging?

This isn't a blogging! This is creating fake news reports!

Like The Onion?

The Onion? What's that?

Seriously.

-CL