The World Runs on Peer Pressure: Harass Your Friends Who Are Thinking About Not Voting

If you have any friends or loved ones who are even THINKING about not voting in Tuesday's election, or are giving you some lame excuse as to why they are not voting, here's a list of things you might want to say to them.

-Really? The most important election in our lifetime so far and you're not going to vote? Really? (Be sure to say "really" as condescending as possible)

-If you don't vote, I'm not talking to you for a long time.

-If you don't vote, I'm not sleeping with you for a long time.

-Imagine if McCain wins and then dies and Sarah Palin becomes President - not president of the school board, President of the United States.

-Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. (See Clay Davis of The Wire for proper pronunciation)

-All the cool kids are doing it.

-We might still be friends if you don't vote, but there will always be this tension between us. Sure, I may forgive you, but I will never forget.

-You're fucking retarded.

-TLB

David Sedaris on Undecided Voters and Sorta Comparing John McCain to a Platter of Shit

"Being undecided at this point is like being offered the choice between a platter of chicken and a platter of shit with glass in it and then asking how the chicken is cooked."

-David Sedaris, October 2008

10 Reasons to Vote for John Sidney McCain

This article lacks...what's the word...oh yes, "seriousness." -KV

Ten Reasons to Vote for John S. McCain (if you haven't done so already)
Klaus Varley

10. Because the last 8 years were great. That war, this economic crisis. Hogwash. Republicans-4-lif.

9. Because women shouldn't have the right to choose to have an abortion. That's what a 2000 year old, translated text is for...to do our thinkin' for us.

8. Because McCain knows how to fix the economy, or at least knows a lot more than when he said he didn't know much about it (2007).

7. Because you love it when McCain gets that "I'm back in de tiger cage!" look on his face.

6. Because the biased liberal media will never admit that Obama is a Muslim who pals around with terrorists, but you know better, because, well you haven't seen any "facts," but they must be hiding something...the Democrats are the Hiders. No, no proof of that either, but uh, you can just tell.

5. Because black people are just different. And half-black people are TOTALLY different. C'mon! Why don't they bring up Reverend Wright more often?

4. Because hot headed men are hot. (Duh, it's in their name)

3. Because more US soldiers and Middle Eastern civilians should die for oil, I mean, freedom.

2. Because Palin is hot. The Republicans have the hot ticket this year!

1. Because you can't trust people who are smarter than you. McCain / Palin 08 - they ain't smarter than us. That should be their slogan. I should know - I'm smarter than them...are.

-KV

Ten Reasons to Vote YES on Prop 8 - California's "Protect Marriage" Proposition

In case you needed a reason to keep homosexuals from marrying one another, here is not just one reason, but ten! Enjoy! (Please note: Reasons 1-3, 6 and 7 are from the Yes on 8 website. I could not make them up. Believe me, I tried: see reasons 4 and 5, 8-10) -KV

1. Californian's Passed Prop 22 in 2000 to ban gay marriage but judges overturned it, calling it "unconstitutional," whatever that means. Seriously, if history teaches us anything, it is that we should always do what we've done before...and by that, I mean take away the rights of people who are different than us.

2. The judges that overturned Prop 22 were "activist" judges. And by activist, we mean gay. We checked. And by "checked," I mean we stole their wallets. Their "gay club" card was right next to their "activist club" card. And they didn't have much cash.

3. These "activist" judges were based in San Francisco. Sin City! What...apparently that is Las Vegas. And a movie. Well, it's definitely Sin City 2 then...until the movie comes out.

4. San Francisco is so gay that if you go there you might question your own sexuality and the sexuality of Jesus...or at least admire Jesus for his great abdominal muscles. There was a point here, but I'm not sure what is it...

5. San Francisco makes you forget the point you are trying to make. It's that bad.

6. We're undermining marriage at a point where we should be restoring marriage. I don't know what this means, but it sounds sorta-rational. Believe it!

7. First Graders were Taken on a Field Trip to a Gay Wedding. First-graders shouldn't have to go to ANY weddings, let alone gay ones because weddings are freaking BORING without booze.

8. I don't like to think about two guys kissing. Two women? That's another story. Have you seen BOUND with Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly? See, that's a beautiful relationship...and they didn't need to get married!

9. Gina Gershon is smokin' hot in that movie. That just needed to be said.

10. If we let homosexuals marry, we'll be making the terrorists happy. See, because terrorists hate freedom and we're the bastion of freedom...and though if Proposition 8 passes we'll be taking away a freedom, well, see, it's the kind of freedom the terrorists like. Look, I don't really have time to explain all the statues and limitations to you...just vote Yes on 8 to keep two guys from kissing, ewww, seriously, that's disgusting can you imagine what they do in their bedroom, no don't think of it, stop! my point is that gays are destroying our country that was founding on liberty, justice, and heterosexuality - before that word was even invented! And don't forget, marriage is a religious issue, even though it's a civil matter - again, can't explain it, just trust me. Lastly, Jesus was not gay, even though his "disciples" were all guys, stop spreading that rumor and vote Yes on 8 so guys can't kiss...what? they can still kiss? Just wait till next election...

-KV

Barack Obama on the Role of Government

“Government cannot solve all our problems, but what it should do is that which we cannot do for ourselves: protect us from harm and provide every child a decent education; keep our water clean and our toys safe; invest in new schools and new roads and new science and technology.”

-Barack Obama, 2008

McCain Should Release Medical Records

Now I know where Matt Damon was getting his information. -KV



Seriously.

-KV

Republicans Go Off On John McCain

We don't often "do video" here at The Brothel, but you gotta see this:



"Is he so desperate to get off the economic issue that he will, basically, promise America that they are facing grim times ahead...?"

Answer: yes.

Oh, don't forget what Thad Cochran - Republican Senator from Mississippi who has known McCain for more than thirty years, said about McCain back in January 2008:

The thought of his being president sends a cold chill down my spine," Cochran said about McCain by phone. "He is erratic. He is hotheaded. He loses his temper and he worries me."

-The Boston Globe, Jan. 27, 2008

To be fair, Joe Biden said some no-so-nice things about Barack Obama back in the Democratic primary. However, Joe never used the word "cold chill." That's some strong language, Thad.

If you are reading this and even THINKING about voting for McCain, please take Pat Buchanan's words to heart.

And also please note, that is the first and last time I will write "please take Pat Buchanan's words to heart."

-KV

Frank Rich is Pissed...and rightly so, says McCain

I'm not a regular Frank Rich fan, or a regular reader of the New York Times, but this article takes it to the McCain campaign, just before McCain tried to calm some of his fanatic supporters.

See that video HERE.

And below is a quote from the Frank Rich article:

"Voters are looking for a leader who might help rescue them, not a reckless gambler whose lurching responses to the economic meltdown (a campaign “suspension,” a mortgage-buyout stunt that changes daily) are as unhinged as his wanderings around the debate stage."

Read the entire bad boy at the New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/12/opinion/12rich.html?_r=2&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

Is The Literary Brothel getting political in these last two weeks before the election? You betcha.

-KV