Conversation between the pilots of Northwest Airlines Flt 188

Klaus Varley

On October 21st, 2009, on a routine flight from San Diego to Minneapolis, Captain Timothy Cheney (53) and First Officer Richard Cole (54) were out of touch with air traffic controllers for 78 minutes and overflew their destination by 150 miles.

It was discovered the two men were distracted by their laptop computers.

We at The Literary Brothel already knew this, however, as one of our members overheard the conversation between the pilots while waiting in line for the restrooms at the front of the plane. This is what was heard:

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Captain Timothy Cheney (CTC): Are you ready to be my white tiger?
First Officer Richard Cole (FORC): Ready.
CTC: Powered up?
FORC: I'm trying.
CTC: What do you mean, trying?
FORC: It won't let me pick up the thing. I'm clicking and it's not picking up.

[Rampant clicking is heard. Then an odd BRRRRINGG!]

FORC: Got it.
CTC: Did you hear that?
FORC: This game has great effects.
CTC: I know. I've never heard that one before.
FORC: They're always surprising you with new sounds.
CTC: Badass.

[Computer noises of some sort that could be warnings from air traffic controllers, or could be part of a sweet video game.]

FORC: I want to explore the forest.
CTC: Hold on there, Fork, you just advanced to level twelve.
FORC: I told you never to call me that.
CTC: Get over it.
FORC: So what about the forest?
CTC: Forget about it, Fork, you're not ready.
FORC: That's it!

[Typing sounds.]

FORC: Rawwrrrrrr!

[Furious clicking of the like that have seldom been heard before.]

CTC: What the hell, dude?
FORC: Rawr.
CTC: Did you just attack me?
FORC: Rawr.
CTC: Alright, stop saying that.
FORC: What are you going to do?
CTC: This!

[The unmistakable sound of a dramatic pressing of a button.]

FORC: Noooooo! Nooooooo!
CTC: Muhahahahahaha.

[In the background, an odd beep and what sounds like the voice of a radio transmission asking for verification of coordinates or something. It is quickly drowned out by...]

FORC: Noooooooooooooooo!
CTC: Rawr.
FORC: I built that character up for six months!
CTC: When you play with the bull, you get the horns.
FORC: I'll give you the horns.

[Silence]

CTC: What does that mean?
FORC: Beats me. Another quest?
CTC: Let's do i--Wait. What time were we suppose to get to Minneapolis?
FORC: Oh shit.

-TLB

25 Random Things About Me / I Cannot Say No to Facebook

Hey, it's Charlie. Not sure why this is going up. This post is about a month late, and I swear I saw a similar post on a friend of The Brothel's blog. (FOTBB) - CL

Hey, it's Klaus. The post is going up because some people would rather write snippy editor's notes instead of actual posts. -KV

25 Random Things About Me / I Cannot Say No to Facebook

You Facebook users know what I'm talking about. This is that damn chain-posting going around like a bad forwarded email from college freshmen.

Wasn't going to do one until I was "tagged" in one of them. And then we ran low on article ideas for The Brothel.

Here's how my Facebook friend prefaced her list:

I don't like doing these things but I do like reading them. And I'm feeling chatty and eager to please this morning. Still, I remain deeply suspicious that this is just data collection for an anthropology or media studies dissertation.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

And here's what came to me in a moment of inspiration/desperation. Obviously nobody gets "tagged" here in The Brothel. (Or do they? You're it!)

Okay fine, 25 random things (or so) about me, Klaus V.

1. I do not like randomness.
2. But I like David Lynch films.
3. Because I like movies about beautiful naked women shot in a cinematic way.
4. I added "shot in a cinematic way" so I wouldn't get in trouble with my girlfriend.
5. I have a girlfriend.
6. Now that I think about it, I only really like Mulholland Dr.
7. I change my mind a lot.
8. David Lynch films should be called David Lynch's confusing-ass naked women movies.
9. I tire quickly of talking about David Lynch.
10. I like cats.
11. I like San Diego.
12. Wine tastes good.
13. I am looking at an empty glass.
14. I will be right back.
15. (I am not here)
16. I am back.
17. I am perpetually surprised at how good Charles Shaw tastes.
18. I am talking about the wine.
19. I get homophobic after drinking wine.
20. I am not going to explain that joke.
21. I sometimes talk in the third person.
22. I warned you.
23. Klaus likes cats, but not when they try to get on your lap when you are trying to type.
24. Klaus is careful not to spill his wine while he types and shoos cats.
25. Klaus likes getting to the end of lists so he can go back to important things, like surfing the internet.
77 - is Klaus's favorite number, so he's going to end on it. And because we skipped 15, this is technically 25. I mean, 77.

One last thing: Facebook phenomenons rule.

And by "rule," I mean, suck.

And by "Facebook," I mean "Most movies by David Lynch."

-KV