the second hellboy on the third budweiser

Here's a quick review of Hellboy II while I finish this can (yes, can) of Budweiser and go for another in the midst of writing, indicating that point within the text. -KV

Just got back from Pan's Labyrinth - Leftover Edition. I mean, Hellboy II.

I know what you're thinking: didn't that come out like a month ago?

Yes, it did. But I promised to see Batman with my girlfriend, and my friend L____ (we've ceased using anything resembling real names on this site) had seen Hancock. So it was either the Mummy III or HBII. And I hate the Mummy. Don't ask why.

So here we go (finally, the review): Don't see Hellboy II. In fact, if you are one of the many who inexplicably liked Pan's Labyrinth, rent the DVD from your local video store (They need your support. Plus, you can say things such as: "I support A Video Store Named Desire." Which, I do. Seriously.). Did you rent it? Good. Now close your eyes, and remove anything serious about the movie, supplant the little girl with a big red monster, move the locations from Spain to Hungary posing as New York City (Confused yet? Welcome to Guillermo Del Toro movie!), throw in some cheesy lines and unmotivated character choices and vuala! Welcome to Hellboy II!

Think I'm exaggerating? See for yourself.

Oh damn, I promised to finish my Budweiser in the middle of this.

[Finishing...Done!]

[Supplanting the Budweiser...Supplanted!]

Enjoy your weekend. I'm going to stay up a little later and write a few more blogs, but they will be timestamped and released later in the week so you don't get overwhelmed on the weekend from The Brothel.

Always looking out for ya,

-KV

PS. I am aware this didn't start out as a letter, but that doesn't mean it can't end like one!

PPS. Does it?

PPPS. Apparently, it does. Most of the time.

PPPPS. But not this time!

Okay, this time.

Time Capsule

If I put a time capsule into the ground today, it would contain the following:

-Barack Obama's Speech on Race (we're not hopeless)
-A Poster of WALL-E (animated movies take over)
-A house (they're so cheap now)
-A drop of oil (gas is expensive)
-My Prius (screw cars, I bought a bike)
-My Bike (on second thought, biking in LA is dangerous.)
-My Bus Pass (I'll just walk)
-Amazon.com's Kindle (they might use such things in the future)
-A can of Budweiser (the KING of beers)
-A can of Pabst Blue Ribbon (winner of a Blue Ribbon)
-The best computer we have on the market (so they can laugh at how primitive we were back in 2008)

and...more? This probably deserves more thought. However, if you are a high school senior, feel free to steal these and claim them as your own. What, you're already on summer break? Just dig up the old one and put this stuff in there. Believe me, no one will notice and in twenty years when you and your bored, nostalgic, middle-class classmates dig it up, you'll be praised as a hilarious prophet of the 21st century instead of a juvenile high schooler who thought "photo of a bald Brittney" was funny.

-KV