Los Angeles Driver Quiz

L.A. DRIVER QUIZ

Are you a Los Angeles driver? Take this convenient quiz and find out!


1. When merging onto the freeway, you do which of the following:
a. Signal
b. Check Blind Spot
c. Adjust the radio
d. Put on a fresh layer of eyeliner, call agent, get secretary, chew that bitch out for a while because that’s what she gets paid 7$ an hour for, hang up, brake for no reason, laugh out loud, look around to see if anyone is notices how glamorous you look when laughing, merge.

2. What do you use turn signals for?
a. To accompany Eminem as the lost beat in “Lose Yourself”
b. Fun. {click, click, click}
c. What are these “turn signals” of which you speak?
d. My ass looks sexy in these pants.

3. What’s the speed limit on the freeway?
a. 65 mph
b. 70 mph
c. 1.21 giggawatts
d. Industry standard.

4. The Metro-Bus…
a. is a viable, economic, and environmentally-friendly alternative to driving your own.
b. is something I have heard of, but never ridden.
c. is a slow ass, road-hogging, box of metal poo.
d. goes to Mexico, I think.
e. is for losers.

5. Pedestrians…
a. make good hood ornaments.
b. need to step back on the curb.
c. should only exist between the valet and the club entrance.
d. do not exist. Nobody walks in LA. There is a reason a song was written with that title – because it’s true. Like all songs.

6. Which of the following intersections have a protected turn arrow?
a. Sepulveda and Wilshire
b. Santa Monica Boulevard and Sawtelle
c. 1st and Flower
d. What is this “protected turn arrow” of which you speak?

7. When is it legal to make a U-turn?
a. At an intersection with a traffic light.
b. When a parking spot across the street opens up.
c. When it feels right.
d. Whenevs.

8. What should you say never say to a police officer in order to get out of a ticket?
a. Sorry officer, this is my daddy’s car – I’m not used to driving such an expensive and fast automobile. My BMW is in the shop, and I swear I only drive the speed limit in it.
b. Is it true that all cops are gay?
c. Which way to the terrorist convention?
d. I’m a serious blogger, and if you give me a ticket, I will blog about you and list your name on my blog, and everyone will know that Sergeant Michaels of the West Los Angeles Division of the LAPD is an asshole. I swear I’ll do it. Please stop laughing and writing that ticket…


So are you an LA Driver? If you answered "a," "b," "c," or "d," to any of the questions above, it doesn’t mean much of anything. Just like driving in LA, there is no system – you’re on your own.

In other words, who knows? Just stay the hell out of my way.

-KV