Monday, November 10, 2008
The Top 5 Most Homophobic Counties in California
The Top Five Most Homophobic Counties in California
by Klaus Varley
Note: Homophobic percentages derived from the percentage of people in each county who voted in favor of Proposition 8. Special shout-out to the LA Times and their results by county map.
5. Madera County - 73.4% Homophobic
You might recognize this county from recent news reports: officials from Madera County discovered the bones of that missing adventurer Steve Fossett. Unreported, however, was another investigation: Officials from Madera County also looked into their own bodies and were delighted to discover "not a gay bone anywhere."
4. Kings County - 73.8% Homophobic
Kings County is not one "king's" county, but the county of "kings," plural. Turns out the kings living in Kings County are some of the most homophobic kings throughout the land. A place where on any given weekday, squire and noblemen can join together in tavern after tavern to chant the simple, yet age-old homophobic adage, "This is kings county, not queens county."
3. Modoc County - 74.3% Homophobic
Where? Oh, the north-east corner of the state. According to the Census Bureau, Modoc County has less than 10,000 people, and is 80.7% white. The sexual orientation of its citizens may reveal something about its homophobia rate, as 90% responded "heterosexual" and 10% "of course I'm heterosexual, thanks for asking in front of my family and friends."
2. Kern County - 75.3% Homophobic
The only county on the list with a major city (sorry, Madera is not a major city). Bakersfield is home to Buck Owens' Crystal Palace, which is listed as "Buck Owen's Crystal Palace" on their website, but "Buck Owens' Crystal Palace" on their sign. Bakersfield may be confused about how to punctuate their largest tourist attraction, but they are not confused about whether gay people should be allowed to marry. "Hells no. Punctuate THAT, city boy."
And the most homophobic county in California is...
1. Tulare County - 75.4% Homophobic
Tulare County is known by those of us from Central California as that long, boring-ass stretch on Highway 99 between Bakersfield and Fresno. You just go straight for what seeems like forever. A gay friend of mine once said, "you don't go straight, you go foward." But in Tulare County, even he doesn't think about going anywhere but straight...out of town. As fast as he can.
-KV
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2 comments:
Nice analysis, Monsieur. May I also point out that my home county went a very saddening 63.1% in favor and 36.9% opposed? Of course, the total number of votes in the county was something like 20,000. Anyone else seeing a correlation between Podunk towns and backwardness? Who'd have thought?
Oh, that's right, all the LGBT kids who couldn't come out at my high school for fear of getting their asses kicked by rednecks with gun racks in their lifted trucks.
My home county was 71.1% in favor, which spawned the article. I thought, oh, I'm from one of the most homophobic counties in California. Alas, they didn't even make the top 5!
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