Time Capsule

If I put a time capsule into the ground today, it would contain the following:

-Barack Obama's Speech on Race (we're not hopeless)
-A Poster of WALL-E (animated movies take over)
-A house (they're so cheap now)
-A drop of oil (gas is expensive)
-My Prius (screw cars, I bought a bike)
-My Bike (on second thought, biking in LA is dangerous.)
-My Bus Pass (I'll just walk)
-Amazon.com's Kindle (they might use such things in the future)
-A can of Budweiser (the KING of beers)
-A can of Pabst Blue Ribbon (winner of a Blue Ribbon)
-The best computer we have on the market (so they can laugh at how primitive we were back in 2008)

and...more? This probably deserves more thought. However, if you are a high school senior, feel free to steal these and claim them as your own. What, you're already on summer break? Just dig up the old one and put this stuff in there. Believe me, no one will notice and in twenty years when you and your bored, nostalgic, middle-class classmates dig it up, you'll be praised as a hilarious prophet of the 21st century instead of a juvenile high schooler who thought "photo of a bald Brittney" was funny.

-KV

Boobie Games vs Boobbie Games

Searches for both "boobie games" and "boobbie games" have hit our site multiple times, though I do not recall myself or any other harlot on The Brothel mentioning either activity.

And for the record, I have no idea what "boobie games" are, and I certainly cannot fathom what "boobbie games" might be. If you've landed here searching one of these two keywords, please drop a comment and let us know: what did you hope to find? (And my apologies that this is but a creative writing website.)

Places to See in Montana

What does it take to get a visitor from Montana? Smack talk about Idaho?

The potatoes in Idaho are nothing compared to those in Montana...!!?!!??

This is frustration.

The Short-a-Week Project Does Klaus Varley

The guys over at The Short-a-Week Project did a reenactment of one of the pieces on The Brothel. Turns out they chose one of mine. Guess Teddy's were too hard to film. (Going to Dallas and pretending to buy weed in a dramatic drive around the city a la Training Day apparently is out of the budget range.)

So check out The Short-a-Week Project at the link above. The title is Week 12 - Flip a Towel.

Very original.

In case you're wondering, I received no compensation for my work, but they promised punch and pie if I came to the set. I came to the set, and there was no punch and pie. In fact, there was no set. But there was beer.

Thanks for the beer, guys.

The Original Brothel Members

If you knew The Brothel from 2001 - 2005, then you know that it was a collaborative effort. Klaus led the charge, but there were others - many others. Some of the biggies were Mary Allen, Teddy Nutmeg, Parker Briggsmore, Aine Brigit, Kat Bannister and Boris Salvador. And me, Charlie Luzon.

But you wouldn't know it by the "new" Literary Brothel.

Klaus put up one of my pieces (please link that, Klaus -ed. note: Done. If only there were an easy "link" button next to the paragraph formatting line on the toolbar, contributors could do it themselves...) but it wasn't my introduction, nor my best work.

After much pleading, Klaus caved and started handing out access to the site. I got an invite. Parker did too. Klaus even sent a nice note along with the access codes. It read, "Now you can put up your own crap," or something to that effect.

And it was effective. Here I am, putting up my own "crap." With more to come.

Much more.

You have been warned.

And have just read my (new) introduction.

-CL

Words in a Semi-Specific Order by Boris Salvador

When I first read this poem, I thought Boris was making fun of the way I write poetry. I still think so. -KV

Words in a Semi-Specific Order


Like paper rain drops falling on the road,
Running gold tears of something that is defiantly not gold.
I fly amongst a purple mountain's majestic view of golden plains of something that is certainly not gold.
So suck in air to breathe Mr. Tangerine man.
Because we are all just taking up space.
Space like a ring around a ball whose gases lie outside
Like a forgotten blade of grass in a lawn of pink flamingoes and ceramic munchkin idols.
Praying to a golden sun that is most assuredly not golden.
And taking up space,
Space like a line preceding
"The End"
And anteceding a psuedo poem that while being incredibly nonsensical and truly meaning nothing
Manages to sound like coffee house fodder
Pleasing the Sophistos.

The Space

"The End"

By Boris Cougar Salvador

Real Brothels are No Joke

Recently saw Born into Brothels. For all those out there searching for "brothels" and landing here at The Literary Brothel, I'm not going to condone your lifestyle or curiosities, but I'll just say that prostitution traps a lot of women and men in tough, tough lives. Check out Born Into Brothels (or any documentary made on prostitution for that matter).

A better bet is to find a girl who you is just as sexually curious as you. It's really not that hard. You're already on the Internet, Googling "brothel" for god sakes. How about hitting up MySpace? Or eHarmony? Or JDate?

Kinky girls on JDate? You never know.

How Klaus, how can I meet a girl on the Internet?

Oh, that's what you wanted to know? Why didn't you just say so.

Coming Soon: A Step By Step Guide on How to Meet Girls Online by Klaus Varley

In the meantime, read The Game by Neil Strauss. It will be discussed.

-KV

Best Steak House in Montana

We've had over ten visits from Kansas in the past month, but none from Montana? How is that possible?

In the rare chance you landed on the site looking for facts about Montana, I heard Derby Steak House serves the best steaks in Montana. But it could just be a rumor.

If you're from Montana, feel free to correct me.

But first, you Montanans must discover the Internet. Seriously.