Fan Letter #392

This is actually an OLD fan letter, replete with my original italicized, fictitious intro. It's also a reminder that it's OK to write us (literarybrothel at gmail). Maybe we'll even put your letter on the site? You never know. -KV

FAN LETTER #392

Ho hum. Another letter from a satisfied customer. Edited at the author's request, for once.

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Hey Klaus,

It's about time you updated the damn Brothel. However, it just got me into a spat.

Congrats; your web page seemed more interesting to me than the practical ramifications of the Nolan case on California Land Use Regulation. With wireless internet here in law school, we're online in class. In class, the Baseball Stars article made me laugh out loud. Laughing out loud isn't necessarily a bad thing, so long as a teacher or student said something funny. In fact, it doesn't even have to actually be funny, an attempt will usually be sufficient justification, because none of us laugh as much as we would like. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case.

Let me clarify: the laugh wasn't a giggle or even a chuckle. If was a full laugh, and when I tired to suppress it, the laugh escaped and made it's presence felt in the form of a audible snort and and then a series of muffled snickers.

The display attracted the attention of many a student, and more significantly, one professor. Said professor responded, predictably, with "Mr. Roland, do you have anything to add."

Ninety other students, eager to understand the apparent interest or humorous twist I had in a subject any objective observer would be forced to search their mind for an antonym of fascinating to describe, turned their collective stares upon me. Me, a bit disheveled conducting an in depth analysis on how the [Black] Ninjas* resembled the modern day Marlins, and recalling my glory days beating up on the American Dreams* and Lovely Ladies,* attempted to think of something said in past 5 minutes that could be tied, however remotely, to something humorous, only to fail - primarily because I hadn't listened to a damn word in a good 15 minutes - stammered out, in typical Kevin eloquence "No."

The teacher glared, the students rolled their eyes and/or smirked, and I sunk into my chair. Like any good Republican, I blame you. I blame you for making me look like a jackass in one class, inspiring me to spend another 10 minutes writing this email, thereby putting me at a unconquerable disadvantage in my Corporation class.

While I'm at it, I blame you for Ahnuld getting elected. Why? Because I can. Thanks a lot, asshole.

Love,

Kevin Roland
(Not my real name)

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*Baseball Stars reference. And another. And another. Kevin, (Nomar,) you're a freakin' unrealistic dork. Unrealistic because there's no way the Black Ninjas or anyone can consistently conquer the glorious American Dreams. Maybe two out of three with some solid pitching and tricky base running (you know what I'm talking about), but that's it. AD is a power house, an 8-bit tour-de-force if you will, and they don't go down without a fight.