An Inglourious (Basterds) Pledge

An Inglourious (Basterds) Pledge
Langdon Auger

I have finally seen the trailer for Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards. It's official. I can now say that this is the movie for which I am the most excited. Check it out.



In the spirit of those not-at-all-obnoxious-or-arrogant "I pledge" videos put together by Hollywood celebrities, I want to lay all of my attitudes towards this film on the table.


I pledge…


…that I will put this Curious Case of Benjamin Button mess behind me before I walk into the theater. True, both movies star Brad Pitt. And it is also true that both movies have Brad Pitt doing a southern accent which I made sure to ridicule in my previous Button post. But based on absolutely nothing, I contend that this movie will be different. I forswear any latent animosity and resolve to judge this movie based solely on its own merits.

…that I will not judge Eli Roth's starring role in the film. Even though he is a director and not a real actor. And even though he is buddies with Tarantino which pretty much assured him a role. And even though those Hostel movies are a lower level of film making than I am willing to acknowledge. As long as you are knocking some Nazi heads with baseball bats I will give you a chance.

…that I will not hold it against Quentin Tarantino that I still am not able to buy a box set of the Kill Bill movies. It has been over five years since the first one debuted and all I am able to buy is a wimpy single disc edition of both movies. Where is the double disc, edited together masterpiece I have been promised? The extended House of Blue Leaves fight scene? New Japanese anime back stories for Oren Ishii? I am hearing a lot of talk from you Tarantino and not seeing a whole lot of results. Even though I would rather you focus on putting the finishing touches on Kill Bill than move on to a new movie, I pledge that I will see Inglourious Basterds without bringing in my own frustration at the gaping hole in my DVD collection between the letter J and the letter L.

…that Mike Myers's previous embarrassing roles in Shrek 3 and The Love Guru will not prevent me from enjoying this movie. I will only remember Wayne's World (the first one), Austin Powers (also the first one), and Shrek (again the first one). I will also welcome seeing him in a different sort of role, moving away from the manic comic characters with which he has been so successful and so hated.

…that even though the movie is produced by The Weinstein Company I will not let my strong attitudes over the most recent Oscar race affect my judgment of the film. I mean after all, it's not like The Reader was a worse film than The Dark Knight and got nominated because of the shameless Oscar baiting of Weinstein and the blue hairs in the Academy who can't bring themselves to vote for a popular summer movie and instead choose another ridiculous holocaust flick. No, it couldn't possibly be that.

…that despite the August 21 release date, I will not hold the end of the summer downturn in Hollywood movies against the film. Even though it will be facing such grade "A" Hollywood schlock such as G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and Final Destination: Death Trip 3D, I will have my ticket in my hand on opening day and I will be prepared to enjoy what should be the best movie of the summer.

Now don't screw it up QT. My patience is limited. And get me Kill Bill.

-LA