Friday, March 27, 2009

Man Dong vs. Naked Breasts (if this title doesn't get us more hits then I'm all out of ideas)


Man Dong vs. Naked Breasts
Langdon Auger

As a fan of the graphic novel I have to give the film adaptation of Watchmen a passing grade. It could have been better, and apparently if you haven’t read the graphic novel it doesn’t make much sense. But I can think of a worse way to spend three ass numbing hours in a movie theater (check out some of my previous posts, I won’t rehash it here).

The changes to the story were minimal and in a sense worked a little better. I have heard some criticism of the film for being racist and sexist, which I feebly defend by saying those elements were in the graphic novel and show how these “heroes” are merely advanced fascists. Overall I give the movie a B-minus, maybe a B if the Watchmen come to office hours and appeal the grade.

But now for the important question on everyone’s mind. Does the overlong and embarrassing sex scene make up for the multiple shots of glowing-blue man dong? Let’s begin by looking at the facts.

The sex scene offers a nice respite from the glowing-blue man dong after about an hour and a half of seeing it on screen. You have a naked lady and a small bit of man ass. But, rather than being a welcome respite, the sex scene gets dragged out to an uncomfortable level. So when you go see this movie with your childhood preacher or your 80 year old grandma, you might have some explaining to do.

On the other hand, the glowing-blue man dong is a glowing blue man dong. There is no getting around that simple fact. And as if that weren’t enough the character can duplicate himself, meaning more than one man dong on screen at a time. Also at play is the childhood preacher/80 year old grandma variable. But, might a graphic onscreen depiction of male genitalia counterbalance some of the claims to misogyny? Or should this even matter?

“To gaze at the glowing-blue man dong or not to gaze at the glowing blue man dong? That is the question.” Does it mean I am mature enough to enjoy an adult style of entertainment, or does it mean I am simply willing to put up with it in return for the naked lady? Perhaps the comments section will provide some relevant insight to this perplexing question.

-LA

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glowing blue man dong does not compare to naked lady breasts. Glowing blue man dong is something you should cherish as a once in a lifetime event whereas naked lady bits are a dime a dozen in movies. There is no trade off, you are an adult and part of being an adult is having the ability to see glowing blue man dong and process on an intellectual level in a way that doesn't make your head explode.

Klaus Varley said...

For the record, Langdon is barely an adult.

I kid.

But is part of being an adult really processing the intellectual implication of man dong, and if so, what would those implications (specifically) be?

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