Two Actors Who Should Disappear
Langdon Auger
Though there's plenty to be disgusted with in Wolverine, after watching the movie I found the most disgust in the continuing careers of two actors: Liev Schreiber and Ryan Reynolds.
Here is brief note to both actors, a plea to stop acting, for the good of all of us.
Bastards.
-LA
Langdon Auger
Though there's plenty to be disgusted with in Wolverine, after watching the movie I found the most disgust in the continuing careers of two actors: Liev Schreiber and Ryan Reynolds.
Here is brief note to both actors, a plea to stop acting, for the good of all of us.
Liev Schrieber (Sabretooth)
Please stop working. Every movie you are in just grinds to a halt as we have to work our way around your awkward screen presence.
Maybe it would be alright except you have an uncanny knack for choosing the worst parts in the worst scripts. Let us review shall we? Scream you were in for a few seconds and that was enough. Scream 2 turned you into a full fledged character hell-bent on cashing in on your wrongful imprisonment. Guess which movie was worse? That wasn't a coincidence.
I guess The Manchurian Candidate was good even with you, but you turned around and did another remake with The Omen. How did that work out for you? Good reboot to a classic horror franchise? Yea that’s what I thought. Crap.
Then for a long time you did absolutely nothing of importance until this year’s holocaust themed Defiance. Apparently, this schlocky, overdone Jews-fight-back story was just right for your acting talent. We got a professional and not-at-all-laughable polish accent and saw you steal crucial screen time from Daniel Craig. And a dumb ending too. I like holocaust films that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
And then there was Wolverine: Origins, in which you were soundly out-acted by WWE star Tyler Mane from the first movie. Apparently you were angry at Wolverine for leaving you and you wanted to kill him to get back at him. That makes sense in crazy-ville. And how ridiculous is it to watch two invincible people hack at each other for an hour and half?
Please stop working. Every movie you are in just grinds to a halt as we have to work our way around your awkward screen presence.
Maybe it would be alright except you have an uncanny knack for choosing the worst parts in the worst scripts. Let us review shall we? Scream you were in for a few seconds and that was enough. Scream 2 turned you into a full fledged character hell-bent on cashing in on your wrongful imprisonment. Guess which movie was worse? That wasn't a coincidence.
I guess The Manchurian Candidate was good even with you, but you turned around and did another remake with The Omen. How did that work out for you? Good reboot to a classic horror franchise? Yea that’s what I thought. Crap.
Then for a long time you did absolutely nothing of importance until this year’s holocaust themed Defiance. Apparently, this schlocky, overdone Jews-fight-back story was just right for your acting talent. We got a professional and not-at-all-laughable polish accent and saw you steal crucial screen time from Daniel Craig. And a dumb ending too. I like holocaust films that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
And then there was Wolverine: Origins, in which you were soundly out-acted by WWE star Tyler Mane from the first movie. Apparently you were angry at Wolverine for leaving you and you wanted to kill him to get back at him. That makes sense in crazy-ville. And how ridiculous is it to watch two invincible people hack at each other for an hour and half?
Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool)
National Lampoon's Van Wilder is an OK stand in for the poor soul who goes to the video store and can't get Animal House because it has been rented out by the same damn fraternity every weekend for the past 12 years. Yet I have a particular animosity for college and high school movies that end with an academic triathlon as a requirement for graduating. (You know, as opposed to the years of hard work and study.)
Blade III was interesting. I assume you were supposed to be the wise cracking side kick to Blade and the IPod spokes model Jessica Biel, but all of your wisecracks were incomprehensible swear words and inappropriate sexual comments.
Then you bounced around Hollywood as a bargain basement Matthew McConaughey before you wound up raping my eyes in the newest Wolverine movie. You show up on screen for five minutes, again make some wisecracks that aren't all that wise, and then flip your swords around. You bore me, your character sucked, and the concept of giving him a spin off movie based on a fleeting bit of screen time is offensive.
These guys mercilessly murder every film they are in. And you want to know the worst part about them? Take a look at their wives...
National Lampoon's Van Wilder is an OK stand in for the poor soul who goes to the video store and can't get Animal House because it has been rented out by the same damn fraternity every weekend for the past 12 years. Yet I have a particular animosity for college and high school movies that end with an academic triathlon as a requirement for graduating. (You know, as opposed to the years of hard work and study.)
Blade III was interesting. I assume you were supposed to be the wise cracking side kick to Blade and the IPod spokes model Jessica Biel, but all of your wisecracks were incomprehensible swear words and inappropriate sexual comments.
Then you bounced around Hollywood as a bargain basement Matthew McConaughey before you wound up raping my eyes in the newest Wolverine movie. You show up on screen for five minutes, again make some wisecracks that aren't all that wise, and then flip your swords around. You bore me, your character sucked, and the concept of giving him a spin off movie based on a fleeting bit of screen time is offensive.
These guys mercilessly murder every film they are in. And you want to know the worst part about them? Take a look at their wives...
Bastards.
-LA
2 comments:
worst blog ever?
Those movies are all terrible with or without Schreiber and Reynolds. Schreiber is pretty great in The Daytrippers and The Ten (not to mention he's got a pass from me for Everything Is Illuminated). Reynolds gave a fine performance in Adventureland.
Maybe everyone (you, me, Schreiber and Reynolds) should stay away from Hollywood crap and we'd all be better off.
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