The Best Things About LA: WestSubs

Thus begins the long anticipated "Best Things About LA" series, in which we review our favorite restaurants, bars, video stores, boba shops, yoga studios and coffee shops in this town called Los Angeles. Hopefully by the seventy-fourth part of the series those readers from New York and especially San Francisco will thinks, "I guess LA isn't so bad." -KV

The Best Things About LA: WestSubs

WestSubs
3863 Overland Ave
Culver City, CA 90232
310.837.6000
10am - Midnight

(Even though WestSubs is technically in Culver City, it counts, because Culver City is technically in Los Angeles. Or at least it seems like it is.)

In that enormous outdoor strip-mall south of Venice Blvd. and north of Washington, nestled between a Radio Shack and Bally Total Fitness, WestSubs in one of those places you'd probably never find unless someone told you about it.

But that's why we're here.

Park in the big-ass parking lot that serves said retail establishiments - along with Starbucks, Togos, and GameSpot - and head in to WestSubs. Sit at one of the tables or chairs, or even outside. Unlike the trendy, industry-laden Starbucks on the other side of the parking lot, WestSubs usually isn't packed.

The staff is mostly Filipino.* They wear Hawaiian shirts and fedoras** and are nice as hell.

Not "nice" in that overly servicey kinda way, but nice in the sense that they leave you alone when you're eating one of their awesome sandwiches or sipping one of their seventy bobas with your laptop out, surfing on their free WiFi. They somehow know the exact moment to come by, not to bother you, but just when you realize, "I need a napkin/water/milk tea boba." They're so good, it's eerie.

Beyond the eerily spectacular service, WestSubs stands out for its sandwiches. My favs are the meatball (spicy!) and the BLT. The BLT comes with fresh wasabi - a feature your server will warn you of every time you order it, unless you beat him to the punch by saying, "I'll have the BLT; you guys put wasabi on that, right?"

WestSubs is also open till midnight most nights, which makes it a great place to grab a coffee or boba. plop down with the laptop, and pound out that screenplay.

Perfect place? No, I said "great place." No place is perfect. There are two downsides to WestSubs: 1. If you come too early, you get a wiff of some sort of cleaning chemical or sterilization mix, which, while ensuring you of their high sanitation standards, has the duel effect of lessening your appetitte. 2. No WiiFii between 1 and 3 PM.

Of course, you can always sit outside if you come early, and you don't always need to surf the web. But how else are you going to read about the Best Things in LA on The Literary Brothel?

-KV

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*I know some say "Pilipino," as there is no "F" in Tagalog, but I'm of the camp that the word without the "F" sound in the beginning just confuses people. For more on this debate, ask Allen Benitez, Tiffany Reyes, or your own Filipino friends.

** The fedoras - I'm just guessing now - are to distinguish themselves from all the other Hawaiian-shirt wearing Filipino guys in LA, which at last count, was numbered at six, five of which work at WestSubs. The other one is Allen Benitez.

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What do New York, West Hollywood, Bevery Hills, and Portland have in common?

All those cities have people? Those people walk a lot of dogs? Sure, but New York, West Hollywood, Beverly Hills, and Portland also share the infamous distinction of being the top four cities that sent visitors to The Literary Brothel in 2008.

I know what you're thinking: isn't West Hollywood a part of Los Angeles?

Actually, no, it is its own city.

How did West Hollywood send more people to The Literary Brothel than Los Angeles, when the site creator and many of his friends live in that city?

It's pretty simple when you think about it.

A lot of people in West Hollywood search for brothels.

Are there a lot of brothels in West Hollywood?

I hear there are, but they're probably not the type of brothels you think of when you think of the word "brothel." Unless, of course, you're gay.

Then, yes, those are exactly the type of brothels you're thinking about. Well done.

And so, this is just a brief welcome note: Welcome West Hollywoodians to The Literary Brothel. I hope you find what you are looking for.

But I doubt you will on this site. We tend to be more "literary" than "brothel."

But if you're looking for Bukowski quotes, we've got plenty.

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Okay, okay, try the nondescript building on Beverly just east of Vermont.

See how we always come through for our readers?

Seriously.

-TLB

DJ Octoon's Radio Show "I'm in a Band.." - The BEST in Unsigned Music - is on Tonight!

This post feels eerily schizophrenic. -KV

Because DJ Octoon was generous enough to donate a music review we thought we'd plug his show.

Tonight (Sunday)
8-10pm Pacific
www.UCLAradio.com

Feel free to chat with DJ Octoon or DJ Slick

AIM: BruinRadio
Phn: 310-825-9085

And if you're an unsigned musician, be sure to send them your music (inaband@gmail.com) and request it Sunday nights during the show. I'm pretty sure they play most everything requested.

They also have a MySpace page. Damn, we're really shilling for them tonight.

Seriously.

-TLB

"Day & Age" by The Killers - A Music Review by DJ Octoon

DJ Octoon runs a radio show on UCLA Radio where he is constantly surrounded by hipster undergrads. That should explain something. -KV

Dear Hipsters,

I heard you berate Interpol when they started to sell some records. I was there when you thought Modest Mouse had sold-out because they wrote a catchy tune called "Float On." And now all I hear from you is, "You like The Killers?" with astonishment, or ironic astonishment (I can't tell which one).

But, to answer your question, yeah, I like The Killers.

"You know their lead singer is named Brandon Flowers?"

Yeah, I know. I also know that if you were around when The Beatles came on the scene you would have dismissed their music as "too poppy," or "for the masses."

No, I'm not comparing The Killers to The Beatles. I'm just saying; be careful of criticizing bands for being too popular. Or catchy.

Catchy is key. Why do hipsters hate The Killers? Because they're catchy. Something so catchy, so dancy, so light, can't be good. It's too sweet, like candy.

But fruit is sweet, too.

And so are marshmallows.

Where am I going with this? Back to The Killers, I suppose.

The newly relased Day & Age is The Killers's worst album. That said, you gotta hear it.

"I ain't in no hurry, you go run and tell your friends I'm losing touch / Fill their heads with rumors of impeding doom / It must be true."

That's from "Losing Touch," a nice start with lyrics that seem to attack people who are quick to criticize. The saxophone is a bit much, but that's pretty much my main complaint for the whole album. A little sax goes a long way.

"Human" - Berated by PitchFork for "not making sense," because the Flowers dares to play with grammar and ask, "Are we human or are we dancer?" in reference to Hunter S. Thompson's assertion that Americans are turning into a nation of dancers. I have to disrespectfully disagree with PitchFork and say, hey, that makes a lot of sense, actually.

By the way, if you're going to hate songs because they're lyrics don't make sense, I've got some Pixies tracks for you.

With the third track, "Spaceman," the band picks up the pace and returns to the "Somebody Told Me," days. But with higher vocals.

"Joy Ride" sounds like a lost track from a Wham! album with too much sax. Don't know Wham!? You gotta know Wham! The thing about Wham!...they knew when to take it easy on the sax.

A friend of mine says "A Dustland Fairtale" is his favorite Killers song of all time. I know, I didn't write "The Killers." He still likes it. And I can see why - it crescendos into something great, lets you taste it, then ends. It also sounds like a song from Sam's Town. Like Flowers said, "No, no, let's save that one for the next album."

But my friend is wrong - "I Can't Stay" is the best song from The Killers. At least on this album. (It's no Mr. Brightside) But it does have a Bossa nova (yeah, you read that right) beat, some well-placed-but-still-excessive saxophone work, strings, and some sweet bass work.

And with that, I ask all hipsters to put your fedoras to the side and give Day & Age a listen. If it helps, imagine it's a band from LA that you heard first, struggling to get a residency at The Echo.
See, I can talk the talk. Now give The Killers a chance, dammit.

Seriously.

-DJ Octoon

Check out his show: "I'm in Band.." - The BEST in Unsigned Music
Sundays 8-10 PM Pacific (Yes, this Sunday)
Only on UCLAradio.com

And if you're an unsigned artist, or know any, or want to hear new music, friend him on myspace! (yeah, he made us write this)
www.myspace.com/iminabandandsoami
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The Difference Between a Normal Blog (like Wil Wheaton's) and The Literary Brothel

While not immediately apparent to the untrained reader, the differences between an ordinary blog and The Literary Brothel should be evident after this fair and balanced post. -KV

Normal Blog Post*

"Louigi's is yummy"

I just had some pizza from an Italian restaurant called Louigi's Italian Kitchen on Sawtelle Blvd., and it tasted great. My girlfriend likes anchovies, so we got it with anchovies. I wouldn't ordinarily get anchovies because it tastes like fish, but she likes anchovies, so we got it with anchovies, and I have to say, even though it tasted a little fishy (get it?) it wasn't half bad. Here are some pics.

[The post would be followed by a nauseating amount of idiosyncratic pictures: of Louigi's, the pizza, the blogger's girlfriend, the blogger's girlfriend eating the pizza, the blogger eating the pizza, an anchovy and the empty pizza box. Yay-4-fotos!]

Now let's see how the same incident would be handled on The Literary Brothel.

The Literary Brothel

"Where in the World is Super Mario?"

Louigi's (sic) is a tiny Italian take-out restaurant near my studio apartment in West Los Angeles. After two years of solo-dwelling, my girlfriend and I were moving in together. I had one week left on my lease, and I had never tried Louigi's.

"We should try that Italian place before we move," suggested my girlfriend.

"I hear it's not that good," I said, watching rainclouds make their way toward my window.

"You told me Lawrence liked it," she said, using what can only be described as 'her memory.'

"He said it's expensive," I replied, using what can only be described as 'my imagination.'

"I have a coupon," countered my girlfriend, seconds before we were out the door on our way to Louigi's.

We got a pizza with anchovies from Louigi's (errantly assuming the place was run by the famed Nintendo character incognito with the extra "o" in his name. Much to our disappointment neither Luigi, his brother, and nor anything resembling Yoshi were to be found) and I was like, 'woah those are big anchovies,' and my girlfriend was like, 'quit being a wuss,' and I was like, 'are you going to eat all your anchovies, because I'm looking for seconds,' and more stuff where I acted real tough, I mean, tuff...

Followed by no pictures.

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And there you have it. A brief discourse on the difference between a "normal blog post" and The Literary Brothel. I hope you learned something today. I know I have: anchovies are not for everybody tasty.

Seriously.

-KV

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* This does not apply if you are a friend of mine who blogs and posts pictures. I enjoy ALL your pics, especially the ones of people I have never met and places I will probably never go. Seriously.

I don't go to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth

If you missed this clip, as we are a site called "The Literary Brothel," it is our duty to show it to you.





My dad (oh no!) who told me about this soundbite made it seem as if Griffin was serious. Upon review, The Literary Brothel has ruled that no, she was not serious, but jokingly ripping on Anderson Cooper to crack up the crew thinking they had gone to commercial.

[Editor's Note: We now have taken the view purported by commenter "Carrie," who thought Kathy was yelling at someone in the crowd. If you watch closely, right before the gaff Griffin is talking to at least two people off camera, then says, "Why is everyone here mocking me?" to Anderson Cooper. It also makes more sense that she is yelling the "dicks" comment if the person is farther away. But with Griffin, you never know. -KV]

Stay classy, Kathy G.

-TLB

Paul Mooney on 9/11

"I haven't seen white folks this scared since the last Indian raid."

-Paul Mooney, from his comedy album Analyzing White America
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The Literary Brothel's New Year's Resolutions

Because we're always looking forward, or at least WANT to always be looking forward (see Resolution #7), here is a list of all the things we at The Literary Brothel hope to accomplish in 2009. -KV

The Literary Brothel's New Year's Resolutions

1. Edit and release that damn Best of The Literary Brothel book you've been promised for eight months now.

2. Respond to ALL comments made on our posts. It's one way to thank people for reading, and/or anger them so they curse our name. Hey, at least they'll be saying our name.

3. Exercise regularly.

4. Write post after post with "Wil Wheaton" in the the title as to attract Wesley Crusher himself to the site, and Brothelize a small percentage of his legion of internet fans.

5. Name names.

6. Search for other creative writers. Find at least two other people who are NOT Klaus Varley to write for the site on a regular basis. Reward them with fedoras.

7. Find out what "the kids" are listening to these days. Emulate them. Become cool, but act like you don't care about superficial things like "coolness." Then return to normal, shun your new friends, and convince your old friends that you never forgot about them, even when you were cool. That's looking forward.

8. Write a recurring piece covering the best things about LA. Yes, I said "recurring." There are a lot of great things about LA. I'll show you, you naysayers...

9. Finish that screenplay, sell it, and move to the beach. I mean, closer to the beach.

10. Remember that "New Year's" as in "The Literary Brothel's New Year's Resolutions" has an apostrophe "s" and is NOT spelled "New Years Resolution." Not that I did that this year and had to go back and correct it. Not at all.

-TLB

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What do YOU want to accomplish next year (besides procrastinating all that work nonsense by reading The Literary Brothel at least twice a week)?
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