Michael Phelps Eats Gold Medal By Accident

BEIJING (TLB) - Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps has taken on more than he can chew. On Saturday, August 16th, Phelps accidentally took a bite out of one of the seven gold medals he has recently acquired at these 2008 Olympic games.

According to witnesses, Phelps was in the midst of his (coincidentally) seventh bowl of ramen when the accident took place.

"I thought it looked kinda strange, but I bit into it anyway," stated an embarrassed Phelps, who later confessed to eating the entire medal, not just taking a bite as earlier reported (in this article).

"Hey, I need my calories," Phelps said, looking strangely at our microphone. "What's that made of?"

"Poop," I responded. It was our only microphone. "Did you really eat the gold medal?"

"No, I'm just kidding," Phelps said. But then he paused and leaned in close as if to tell us a secret. "But even if I did, I got six more right here."

Phelps then laughed, turned into a dolphin and swam away.

In other words, it was just another day in China.


-Klaus Varley reporting live from (an imaginary) Beijing