The Offshore Drilling Sham As Told By Fourth Graders

Below is a conversation between two fourth-graders trying to understand the gas crisis and what all this talk about offshore drilling has to do with it. It is fictional. -KV

Johnny: Democrats are stupid.

Barry: Why?

Johnny: Because they're against off-shore drilling.

Barry: They are?

Johnny: That's what my Dad says.

Barry: Where'd he learn that?

Johnny: The TV.

Barry: But I heard Obama say he was okay with it.

Johnny: Really?

Barry: Yeah, but like, as a part of a big plan.

Johnny: See, that's what I'm talking about. Against it.

Barry: Obama also said - I sound like a commercial! - that the oil companies already have 68 million acres of land that they can drill on, but are not using.

Johnny: Maybe there's no oil under that land?

Barry: Then why would they pay for it?

Johnny: They like land?

Barry: I also read that the US government already passed some bill back in 2006 allowing for offshore drilling, and nothing happened. Gas went up.

Johnny: Bullshit.

Barry: Check it out
Johnny: Oh. Well, what should we do then to lower gas prices, Mr. Smarty?

Barry: I know a plan that costs billions of dollars and might reduce the price of gas by a few cents max...but not for at least seven years, according to the government.

Johnny: That plan sucks.

Barry: That's offshore drilling.

Johnny: .... No way.

Barry: Yeah way. See?

Johnny: Hey, what's this crap about oil companies getting tax breaks...while making huge profits?

Barry: Yeah. Messed up, huh?

Johnny: How'd they manage that?

Barry: They're good.

Johnny: At screwing us...

As Barry and Johnny laugh the bell rings and recess is over. It's time to return to class. They turn off their laptops and leave the computer lab.

They grow up so fast these days.

-KV