1000 Pages a Day - 2

This is a follow-up to A Public Declaration: 1000 Pages a Day. That's what the "2" is all about. So please, no more questions about the 2. -KV

Chapter 2: Introduction (1)

First, the title. 1000 Pages a Day: the pace we were expected to read the first year of my Ph.D. program in American History.

Okay, 1000 pages is a slight exaggeration. Some days it would be 1000 pages, other days it would be less.

But some days, it would be more.

"How can one person read 1000 pages a day, let alone many days in a row?"

The answer of course, is you can't. This is not a how-to book.

If you thought it was a how-to book when you first picked it up, hold on a second. Yes, this is a how-to book. I promise. Still reading? Great. Go to the register, and buy this book and then I promise I'll tell you how to read 1000 pages a day.

I'm waiting.

Okay, it's yours? Great. Read on:

How to Read 1000 Pages a Day
A "How-to" Book by Klaus Varley

1. Get your supplies: coffee, stop watch, highlighter, pen, sticky tabs, and paper.
2. Get your book(s).
3. Divide the pages into blocks of 100.
4. Read 100 pages an hour.

So now you want to know how to read 100 pages an hour? That's not the name of the book, but I'll give it a shot.

How to Read 100 Pages an Hour
by Klaus Varley

1. Follow steps 1 and 2, above.
2. Set the stopwatch to 30 minutes.
3. Close your eyes.
4. Imagine a shadowy figure holding a gun to your head. The figure says, "You have 30 minutes to learn everything you can from these hundred pages or I blow your brains out. Go."
5. Say "Bang!"
6. Press "Start" on the stopwatch.
7. Crack open the book.
8. Read fast. The shadowy figure is watching.(2)

Hope that helps. All the "how-to" readers can put this back on the shelf.

Still here? Alright, so if this isn't a how-to book, what is it?

1000 Pages a Day is a dramatization of my first year of an intensive Ph.D. program in American History at a University that shall remain unnamed (at least until this goes into book form). If those of you out there think you may know which university I am referring to, think again. Still thinking of that same one? Damn. Well, I'll make you a deal - don't say anything about this for a couple years and I'll make you look good in the novel. Hell, maybe after I self publish it, I'll give it to you as a Christmas present, and pay for the shipping myself?(4)

So let's all keep our mouth shut about this, and let me air out some of the things that went down that fateful year when you said to yourself, "I haven't heard from Klaus in a while."

And with that...let's begin.

And by "begin" I mean "To be continued..."

-KV


---footnotes---

1. Though introductions are rarely labeled by chapter numbers, "Chapter 2" in this case actually means "Introduction." When we get to the real Chapter 2, that will be Chapter 2. I am aware this makes no sense.

2. How to read fast in case the shadowy figure is watching by Klaus Varley. First read the introduction and conclusion. The author's argument and structure of book will be in there - a.k.a. everything you need to speak intelligently about the book(3). Then flip through and browse the footnotes/end notes so you can name drop some of those authors. IF YOU HAVE TIME, read the first and last paragraphs of chapters, the first and last sentence of every paragraph, and if you're SUPER fast, read some of those words in the middle of the paragraphs that make up the bulk of the book.

3. Of course these instructions are for non-fiction, social science books...a.k.a. History books. Fiction is another story. Memoirs, also, cannot be read in this manner. Don't even think about trying it with this book. Seriously.

4. CA residents still have to pay tax. Sorry.