Tales from Black Friday - Part I: Costco's Polish Dog

TALES FROM BLACK FRIDAY - PART I: COSTCO'S POLISH DOG
Klaus Varley

One of the best things about Costco is its incredibly low-priced food court. I know what you're thinking, "Is it really a food court if it's just a couple of windows and a seating area?"

Answer: Yes it is.

So, I was standing in line at the food court in Costco, when I overhear the girl in an adjacent line say to her friend, "I'm going to get the polish dog."

See how I didn't capitalize "polish?" That's because she said "polish" and not "Polish." A polish dog. A hot dog made of polish. Like nail polish.

Now, I've gotten a few Polish dogs in my time, but never, NEVER had I heard it mispronounced. Had she never been to a baseball game? Had she fallen asleep during geography class AND during every single lesson on WWII?

Perhaps.

But I quickly realized that this girl's lack of geography was the least problematic part of her statement. The most frightening part was, of course, that even though she thought this hot dog might be made of polish, she still wanted to eat it. "Mmmm, that polish dog will go well with my Clorox shake and Pine-Sol pudding."

Or maybe she has build up a tolerance for polish, has been drinking a little each day (Monday - silver polish; Tuesday - car polish) working up to this point, this moment when she can digest the polish dog in all its poisonous glory.

Or maybe it's a simple mistake. After all, the letters were all caps: POLISH DOG

Or maybe she drinks cleaning fluids for fun.

Or maybe we'll never know.

-KV