The 10 Worst Christmas Presents to Give / Receive

This should make your holiday shopping a little easier. No need to thank us; we're here to help. -KV

The Ten Worst X-mas Presents to Give (or Receive)
-Klaus Varley

10. War and Peace Seems like a good idea for the "reader" in the family. Only problem is, they can't thank you for at least six years...or if they read slowly, six-hundred years.

9. Kittens While cute and cuddly for a while, kittens grow in to cats, and cats live forever.

8. Colored Socks Athletics socks are OK. Colored socks are just racist. Please people, the term is "African-American socks." Get with it.

7. Diet Books You might as well slap your cousin in the face and call her fat.

6. Zap Stick Stun Gun in Pink The only thing worse than being robbed is giving throwing the robber into cardiac arrest and then having to revive him. Instead, try one of these alternatives: Pepper Spray, Self-Defense Classes, or maybe an old-fashioned "promise to not get drunk and take that dark alley shortcut."

5. Puppies See Kittens.

4. Drum Set A good gift ONLY if your friend/relative is roommates with your mortal enemy.

3. Tampons Even as a joke, this does not fly. Trust me.

2. Lars and the Real Girl Sure, Lars is a good movie, but most people haven't seen it or heard of it. All they know is they just got a DVD with a blow-up doll on the cover.

1. Candy Land Screw you, Gum Drop Mountain.

-KV