10 Reasons to go to Graduate School

People often ask why I went back to grad school. I usually make up some story about how I want to teach, and an advanced degree gives me more options about where and what kind of classroom I can get paid to run.

Of course, that's bologna. Here are the real reasons to go to graduate school.

1. You have time to blog. I mean, study.

2. There are no deadlines. Okay, not true - there are deadlines but they're more like suggestions. Ominous suggestions.

3. If you get to campus before 10 AM you're a go-getter. In the working world they just call that "normal."

4. Undergrads value your advice. Not really, but they have to listen to it anyway since you grade them.

5. You work in a fairly safe, clean environment. Alright, it's not that clean, and safe as long as you don't mind get tasered once in a while.

6. Learning is more fun when you don't get graded and get to take whichever classes you're in the mood for... Which is NOT what happens in grad school. Okay, every once in a while, but hey, I always wanted to get units for rock climbing, didn't you?

7. Learning is free. At some colleges. Not this one.

8. The library is open late. Providing a good excuse for your non-existent social life.

9. The vending machines have decent coffee. And sandwiches. Man, I really don't have a life.

10. The chicks are great. Ha. Kidding. A joke! Heh. Seriously, that's a quote from Almost Famous. In no way do we here at The Literary Brothel condone engaging in relations (sexual or otherwise) with undergraduates...or other graduate students for that matter. They're a depressing bunch.

-KV

PS. Apologies for the crass ending on the otherwise clean and clever piece. But hey, this is The Literary Brothel - what did you expect?

PS2. Apologies for that post script where I called my piece "clever." What I meant to say was "pretentious. Very, very pretentious. Pretentious enough to write a post script...or two.

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