Ten Reasons Why Michael Phelps is an Asshole

Regular pieces have been put on hold during the Olympics, as The Literary Brothel has received more hits for "michael phelps asshole" than anything else in the history of the site. Yeah, even more than "naked boobies," although that's still very popular, along with "my girlfriend on a toilet seat."

So here's another piece with "Michael Phelps" and "asshole" in the title. Enjoy! -KV

Ten Reasons Why Michael Phelps is an Asshole
by Klaus Varley

10. He eats 12,000 calories a day and does not get fat. (Thanks LD for this link)

9. He never grows old.

8. He competed in his first Olympics at the age of 15. (Take that, Chinese Women's Gymnastics Team)

7. He breaks his own world records easier than I break my own CDs. (And I break my CDs really easily)

6. He can fly.

5. He is from Baltimore. (Like Omar)

4. He is a spokesman for MADD

3. He has "mad" skills in the pool.

2. His ability to receive text messages is unparalleled.

1. My girlfriend thinks he's cute.

...

Okay, so he might grow old "someday," and he can't technically "fly." But the rest of that stuff is true. Which means he's...kinda a decent guy?!? Wait, but my girlfriend thinks he's cute! Ef-Michael Phelps!

-KV